You’re Not Going to Start Moaning Again, Are You?

Birthday cake passer outer: Hey, don’t you want a fork?
Old, creepy IT guy: No, I’ll just finger it.

Highwoods Parkway
Glen Allen, Virginia

Overheard by: Not even surprised

Posted on April 10, 2015
Body Parts, Default, Meals and Snacks, Offers and requests, Virginia, Weirdness, Words

Time Management Improves the Bottom Line

Employee: I’d like a minute to talk with you about my contribution here and my compensation.
Manager: No.

Falls Church, Virginia

Overheard by: GAMA Girl

Posted on April 7, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Comebacks, Offers and requests, Time Management, Virginia

Only If I Can Take Photos

Office worker to secretary, in raspy voice: I need something to suck on, my throat is killing me.

Reston, Virginia

Overheard by: Geoff

Posted on April 5, 2015
Admins, Body Parts, Employees, Health & Hygiene, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Virginia

10AM Work Phone

Staff Auditor: Hey [Senior Audtior], your wife is on the phone. Should we tell her the audit room smells too badly and you will call her back?
Senior Auditor: Yeah…

2345 Crystal Drive
Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Smell E. Lotz

Posted on April 1, 2015
Bosses, Coworkers, Family, Gripes, Questions, Virginia

12PM Order Pens

Co-worker #1: Why do you keep breaking your pens? That’s company property.
Co-worker #2: I break things so I don’t have to kill again.

120 East Shore Drive
Glen Allen, Virginia

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on March 22, 2015
Coworkers, Crazies, General Idiocy, Violence, Virginia

Our Sales Have Been Flaccid As Of Late

Sales guy: Are we penetrating?
Sales gal: It would be great if you could penetrate with us!

McLean, Virginia

Posted on March 16, 2015
Questions, Sales, Sexuality, Virginia, Weirdness

Or Give Us Little Cuts with Value Rewards Cards

Cashier: Do you have a value rewards card?
Girl: No.
Cashier: Would you like to sign up for a value rewards card?
Girl: No, thank you.
Cashier: Sorry, we have to ask or they take us out back and beat us.

Pentagon City Mall
Arlington, Virginia

Posted on March 8, 2015
Employees, Office Politics, Virginia

4PM Update Database

Data entry clerk: I can’t find this person’s name in our records?
Manager: What’s the name?
Data entry clerk: Denver Colorado?

115 South 15th Street
Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: Derek Polynesia

Posted on March 6, 2015
Bosses, General Idiocy, Receptionists, Virginia

4PM Break Room

Coworker #1: Hey, how’s it going?
Coworker #2: Good, how’re you doing?
Coworker #1: Not bad — it’s almost Friday.
Coworker #2: It is Friday!
Coworker #1: Really?! It’s Friday? That’s awesome! I thought it was Thursday!
Coworker #2: It’s Friday for me — I’ve got tomorrow off.

10750 Wheat First Drive
Glen Allen, Virginia

Posted on February 27, 2015
Coworkers, Questions, Southeast, Time Management, Vacation, Virginia

Sounds Like She Should Be in Jury Tampering

Paralegal: Good afternoon, [Law Firm name]. How may I help you?
Partner: Wow…Wow. You’ve got, like, a 1-900 phone voice. We’re gonna have to take you off the receptionist rotation. Don’t want to give our criminal clients the wrong impression.

600 East Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia

Posted on February 23, 2015
Crimes, Employees, General Idiocy, Gripes, Lawyers, Sexuality, Virginia