Girl: Don't do that.
Guy: Why? Oh, does it look like I'm giving the Beanie Baby a blow job?
Girl: (silence)
Guy: I'm okay with that.
Dallas, Texas
Girl: Don't do that.
Guy: Why? Oh, does it look like I'm giving the Beanie Baby a blow job?
Girl: (silence)
Guy: I'm okay with that.
Dallas, Texas
Teen to Latina: How do you say 'thumb in your ass' in Spanish?
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Amo
Angela: Hello, this is Angela, how may I help y… No! No, son, I am too busy to talk about Hannah Montana! (hangs up angrily)
Cedar Hill, Texas
Coworker #1, hanging up the phone: I can't believe it's six o'clock, I should be going home and I'm here on the phone talking to Steve* about chicken eggs!
Coworker #2: Why?
Coworker #1: I don't know, he thinks the yolks mean they're fertilized.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: that's not how eggs work
Old office dweller: Thank you.
Young receptionist: You're welcome. Now you owe me your fingerprints.
Spicewood Springs Road
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Nator
Receptionist: You think that's ghetto? This morning I straight-up taped my bra straps to my shoulders! Here, listen. (crinkles tape under shirt)
Spicewood Springs Road
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Nator
Peon: What colors do we use for the Fourth of July?
Briarcrest & 29th
Bryan, Texas
Serious receptionist: Just because she has a tattoo doesn't mean she's an alcoholic!
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Are you for real?
Male work-study student: I was gonna give a dozen roses to this girl I liked, but I decided not to. Do you want them?
Female full-time professional: If anyone's gonna give me 12 of anything it's gonna be inches.
University
El Paso, Texas
Clueless dude: Did you hear that Stump is coming to town?
Chick with a clue: What is that, the amputee review?
(pause)
Chick with a clue: You meant “Stomp”, didn't you?
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Ikeed Unaught
