Professor: So we'll have lab meeting on Monday, then.
Grad student: Um, that's Labor Day, so people will probably be away.
Professor: Away? Why?
Grad student: Because it's a federal holiday?
Professor: Well, we're not federal, so we don't take federal holidays.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Principal over loud speaker: Attention, students, I repeat: the 400-level office is not an aquarium!
Montour High School Administration Building
McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: nemo
Teacher: You should all go back in time to where I would walk in the room and you all stand up and say, ‘Hello, Professor M*!’
Student: And women shouldn’t have the right to vote!
Newton, Massachusetts
Sexual harassment awareness instructor: Now, class, who can tell me what percentage of sexual harassment is intended?
Class: [Silence.]Sexual harassment awareness instructor: Only 10percent! Ninety percent is unintentional. Now listen, class — most people aren’t doing it intentionally. The majority of people aren’t in that 10 percent group. The majority of people are in that 90 percent group.
Class: [Silence.]
Airdustrial Way
Tumwater, Washington
Overheard by: In the 10% group
College professor: I feel like giving them an “e” for effort. Of course we all know that an “e” is right above an “f” for “fucking stupid” and right below the “d” for “dang near fucking stupid.”
Emporia, Kansas
Literature professor: I don’t mean to turn Baudelaire into a snuff film… I mean, a slasher film! A slasher film! Oh, never mind.
Batelle Building, University, Massachusetts Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: nic
Teacher: I don’t know if my students will regress enough to qualify for summer services.
Principal: You should play music really loud when you test them.
299 Rathbun Willard Drive
Attleboro, Massachusetts
Third grader: Hey, for our project do we gotta write about a black person?
Teacher: No, you don’t have to write about a black person.
Third grader: My mom wants me to write about George Clinton.
Teacher: Do you mean Bill Clinton?
Third grader: Nah, I meant Thomas Jefferson.
Teacher: Oh, he’s okay.
7th Street & Sansom Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Teacher Noga
Professor: A few years ago I had a student ask me for an alternative final because he had scheduled a vacation in Barcelona for the week of the final. I told him, ‘Die, yuppie scum! And no.’
Engineering building, UC Santa Cruz
California
Overheard by: Jessica P.
