Employee: How does my butt look in these pants?
Boss: What? You can’t ask me that.
Employee: Oh…Can I ask you if someone else is my boss?
Boss: No, Brian.
Employee: How about if I’m not working here any more?
Boss: Still no.
Employee: Wow, having a job sure is different from college.
2445 M St NW
Washington, DC
VP: You’ll have to get a group together and have a good look at his package. Get Kevin involved if possible.
21651 Melrose Avenue
Southfield, Michigan
Lawyer: Then why did you have sex with your cousin while she was sleeping?
Client: I honestly thought she wanted it. Really, I would never do anything to hurt her. I think of her like a sister.
Lawyer: Perhaps we shouldn’t put you on the witness stand.
2605 E. Cliff Road
Burnsville, Minnesota
Manager: There is something on the drive that is taking up 5 gig of space.
Employee: What’s taking it up?
Manager: I don’t know.
Employee: Things that make you go hmmmmmm.
Manager: What?
777 West Putnam Avenue
Greenwich, Connecticut
Overheard by: Ballsalamode
Female co-worker: Ooh, this melon is so juicy!
Male co-worker: For God’s sake, it’s like being on the set of an amateur porn film with you, sometimes.
5 Fitzalan Place
Cardiff, Wales
Overheard by: Mark Jenkins
Boss: Yeah, so when I run a report and it’s taking a long time, I always think, “Am I hung, or what?”.
2202 North West Shore Boulevard
Tampa, Florida
Program Manager: Dude! You know that one tech writer, that one chick?
Engineer: Yeah, the older one? She’s a nice person.
Program Manager: Yeah, I know. Man, sometimes she gets like this massive camel-toe.
Engineer: Dude, you need whisper those kinds of things.
Program Manager: But man, you could measure it in inches! Oh shit, here she comes.
She walks by. The Program Manager follows her, turns around seconds later and gives the split finger sign.
41311 Vincenti Court
Novi, Michigan
Lawyer: We received the claimant’s demand for $300,000 for sexual
harassment. Whether it’s a reasonable demand or not…I wish someone would touch me inappropriately so I could sue.
8 Hanover Square
New York, NY
Overheard by: Pinsy
Coworker #1: Hey. Hey! Laura, c’mere, I need your help.
Laura: What?
Coworker #3 (passing by): What are you guys doing?
Laura: Unzipping her. She gets stuck in her coat, like, twice a day, and I keep having to get her out of it.
1800 Connecticut Ave, NW
Washington, DC
Co-worker on phone: Hi. I have an irregular shaped package. Do you have anything special I can wrap it in?
609 Greenwich Street
New York, NY
