Actor #1: I can't believe that Barack Obama is getting away with running for president! I thought you had to be born in the United States.
Actor #2: He was born in the United States.
Actor #1: Nooooo! He was born in Hawaii!
Equity Audition Center
New York City, New York
Security guy: I could be an officer, you know.
Sarge: Oh, shut the fuck up.
Security guy: No, really. It’s just politics stopping me! Just politics!
Sarge: Oh, is Rudy fucking Giuliani preventing you from becoming a police officer? Why don’t you fucking explain that to all of us?
Public Safety
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Shaye
Token black kid: When Obama is elected we’ll have fried chicken Fridays!
Super white Californian: I love fried chicken!
[they quickly embrace]
UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: wallflower
Investment broker: My kid’s a socialist. He’d rather hang out with his friends than ski with us.
Portland Square
Portland, Maine
Coworker #1: Yeah, I went to Egypt but I didn’t really like it that much because it was so commercialized.
Coworker #2: I felt the same way about Israel… It was like there were just too many gift shops.
Ex-army coworker: I went to Iraq. It wasn’t commercialized at all.
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Emily
Grunt #1: So, what about the cigarette tax?
Grunt #2: I put ‘Yes.’
Grunt #1: Wait, you voted for that? Why? It’s like a 300 percent increase!
Grunt #2: Because I’m a social Darwinist! If people are gonna die, I want them to at least give money to the government first.
UC Santa Cruz
California
Overheard by: I think I’m in love
CEO: I have come up with the solution for the conflict between Israel and Palestine.
Employee: Yeah? What is it?
CEO: The US takes a part of Montana near the Canadian border where no American wants to live and donates it to the Jews. They can all move there and set up their own new Israel there, and all the fighting can stop.
Employee, chuckling, then pausing: … Wait, are you serious? I don’t think that would work.
CEO: Why not?
Frederick, Maryland
Overheard by: poj
