Earnest cube rat: If it’s ready on time, it will be ready. But if it’s not ready on time, then it won’t be ready.
14455 North Hayden Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Cubey McCuberton
Earnest cube rat: If it’s ready on time, it will be ready. But if it’s not ready on time, then it won’t be ready.
14455 North Hayden Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Cubey McCuberton
Customer: Can you tell me if the installer is running on time today?
CSR: I have no way of knowing that, sir. Your appointment is scheduled between twelve and four today. If the installer is not there by four, then you can call back and we can tell you that he is running late.
Enfield, Connecticut
Company lawyer to copywriter: It may be wrong or stupid, but if so, we want to be consistently stupid.
Chatsworth, California
Coworker #1, to editor: Do you know where the call-in phone number on the back of XYZ Publication* goes to?
Coworker #2: I have no idea.
Coworker #1: Well, [boss] called the other day and asked where it went to. I called it just now, and it answers with the voice of Dana*, but she hasn’t worked here in seven months!
Coworker #2, looking at Dana’s empty desk area: I guess that it just goes to her phone, and whoever gets that extension will get all of the messages.
Coworker #1: So it doesn’t matter to you that readers might be calling in and leaving messages that are not being returned?
Coworker #2: No.
45 Leveroni Court
Novato, California
Manager, during meeting: … And we just don’t want any Joe Schmoe helping people on the phone… No offense, Joe.
Joe, phone answerer: Mmm.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Celebratious
Owner, to worker bee: I was told it was a good idea, so I thought it was a good idea.
Music store
Western Pennsylvania
Overheard by: tyronepower
Box office manager: Sir, this is the Chicago Shakespeare Theater. I can’t tell you how to fix your microwave.
800 East Grand Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
HR clerk on phone: Yes, it is true that flip-flops are prohibited by the company dress code… No, the addition of duct tape will not qualify flip-flops as closed-toe shoes.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Coder #1: I just can’t work in these pants!
Coder #2, raising hand: Seconded!
Boss #1: No! Motion fails!
Boss #2: Indeed — pants remain a workplace requirement!
7255 East Hampton Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Communications manager to public relations specialist about sex toy ban in Alabama: Well, we really can’t control the situation if someone chooses to take one of our novelty items and stimulate their genitals with it.
Sex toy company
Virginia
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
