Boss, during sales meeting: I'm still trying to hire a new salesperson. Actually, Mark* was the best candidate, based on Monica's* recommendation, but he couldn't accept the job. And that happens. So, Monica*, you don't need to feel guilty about wasting anyone's time. Although I don't think you do feel guilty, which is really weird because you're Jewish.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Customer: Excuse me, maybe you know the answer to this. Are betta fish mythological?
Waiter: Um, no. They're real.
Customer: Well, I know they're real, but are they mythological?
(waiter walks away)
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Program manager, about difficult client: I had to bring extra staff because I couldn't count on her to be there. Did you know she has a chihuahua named Anna Nicole? She snuck it into the hotel.
Marketing manager: Oh. My. God. (pause) At least she didn't name it Paris Hilton.
North Carolina
Lady browsing thrift store racks to friend: That's why I need to win the lottery, to get a butt makeover. I don't even need the whole body, just the butt.
Fayettteville, North Carolina
Office director, during phone conference: What's your phone number?
North Carolina
Overheard by: Nick
Melancholy sales rep: There was a time when drunk chicks were okay. Not anymore.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Sales guy #1: I wonder what milk would taste like if the cow ate an orange.
Sales chick: Would a cow even eat an orange?
Sales guy #2: Oh, yeah, they'll eat the hell outta them!
Sales guy #1: I guess it would taste like a creamsicle… Mmm-mmmm.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: I don't want to know how this started..
Worker bee #1: If only the sheets weren't green…
Counselor: Maybe blue sheets?
Worker bee #2: What's wrong with green? They've been green sheets for years! You could leave tomorrow and we'd be stuck with pink sheets!
Worker bee #1: No, I don't like pink, they wouldn't be pink. Also, where am I going?
Worker bee #2: I don't know!
(pause)
Worker bee #1: Maybe something sassy…
Counselor: Well, I'm feeling lightheaded now.
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: student worker
Girl #1, walking into the office: Boys! Sheesh!
Girl #2: What's going on?
Girl #1: The guys are all out there looking at the hole.
Girl #2: What hole?
Girl #1: The guy came to dig up the bushes by the driveway.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? I didn't even notice they were gone when I pulled in…
Girl #1: They just did it.
Girl #2: In the half-hour I've been here?
Girl #1: They had a big machine that just yanked them up.
Girl #2, moving to front door and looking for hole: Oh, yeah? Hmm…
Charlotte, North Carolina
Director: How you doing?
Sales rep #1: I'm good… but I've had a migraine all week.
Director: That sucks, doing anything this weekend?
Sales rep #1: Nah, I haven't done anything all week. I saw District 9 last night, though.
Director: Did you like it? I've heard mixed reviews.
Sales rep #1: I liked the social commentary. Plus, shit blows up. It can be the worst movie ever, but if shit blows up, I'm gonna watch it.
Director: Oh, hell yeah! You gotta watch it if shit blows up. That's like Terminator. You watch it cause shit blows up.
Sales rep #1: Yeah, or every Rambo movie.
Sales rep #2: How can you watch Rambo movies?
Director and sales rep #1: Shit blows up!
Charlotte, North Carolina
