Male coworker: It’s like the client is the ovum — no… No… Yes, the ovum. And my ideas are the sperm and the boss is the scrotum and the creative department is the shaft and my sperm keep on trying to get in the egg — they try and they try — and some of them are strong and good swimmers and some are, like, dormant–
Female coworker, interrupting: –Stop.
Ad agency
New York, New York
Overheard by: Dr Phyllis
Woman on phone to cable company: Okay. Hey, hold on a sec. (yells into the phone) Don't go meet him, he's gonna stab you! I know he stabbed your brother, that's why I think he's gonna stab you too! (pause) Fine! if you want to get stabbed don't come crying to me. Just make sure you bring your phone so you can call 911, okay? Sorry about that…now what do I do next?
Call center rep: Uhh, I think I need to report this call.
Woman: Why?
Time Warner Call Center
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Dani
Female paralegal: I was in the bank the other day and I saw this cop — oh my god, he was so gorgeous. I wanted to hold up the bank just to get his attention.
Male lawyer: Ever think of saying hello?
Cafeteria, Supreme Court
Nassau County, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Boss: So, your voicemail kicked me off because my message was too short. I can understand it cutting you off if you start in on a monologue, but what if you just want to leave a message saying, ‘Fuck you’?
Rockefeller University
New York, New York
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
Teacher: I just love children!
(silence in the room)
Teacher: Medically speaking, of course…
Hospital
New York
Overheard by: Yeah, I think I'm gonna leave now…
Editor: I smell lighter fluid. Is that new cologne someone’s wearing?
News building, 57th Street and 10th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Mature female manager #1: Let's get beer in paper bags and drink them on the train!
Mature female manager #2: Cool! I've never drunk beer out of a paper bag!
Manhattan, New York
Manager: Okay, bitches. At this beach party I want y’all to take care of business down South. I don’t want no hairy pussy to attack me while I’m tanning. [All female coworkers nod and walk away.]
Fulton Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: coworker
Male coworker: How’s the book I lent you?
Female coworker: It’s good. I got up to the part where he changes his name, but I was on the bus and a girlfriend started fighting with her boyfriend, so I stopped reading to watch that.
139 Highland Street
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: soon to be hired
Power broker #1: Two large cappuccinos.
Cashier: Thank you. That will be $4.50.
Power broker #1: Where’s the cinnamon?
Cashier: I’m sorry, we’re out of cinnamon.
Power broker #1: Then I don’t want it!
Cashier: Excuse me?
Power broker #2: Okay, let’s just bring it back to the office.
Power broker #1: No! Just give me my money back. I can’t drink the foamy milk without the cinnamon.
100 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Mark
