Tech guy on phone: If it’s fixed, it’s not working.
South Brunswick, New Jersey
Tech guy on phone: If it’s fixed, it’s not working.
South Brunswick, New Jersey
Woman: I heard that if a pregnant woman gets a flu shot, the baby has all sorts of birth defects, like 12 heads and two feet.
Municipal Building
New Jersey
Boss: The more questions you ask, the more explanations I have to give.
Sylvan Avenue
Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey
Supervisor #1: Anyone want any chocolate? I have three pounds.
Supervisor #2: From the boyfriend, huh?
Supervisor #3: I don’t think I could eat three pounds of anything. What could I eat three pounds of?
Supervisor #1: Ice cream. I could eat three pounds of ice cream.
Supervisor #3: I could definitely eat three pounds of ice cream. That’s kind of a gross thought, though.
Supervisor #1: It’s like eating a preemie.
200 New Canton Way
Robbinsville, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon hate v-day
Suit #1: Hey, I can’t believe you actually remembered to take care of it.
Suit #2: Why? I have a great memory. I can’t remember the last time I forgot something.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Female intern: I’m not sorry.
Male worker: You should be. I missed my deadline.
Female intern: You missed your deadline because you are hungover, like, every day.
Male worker: Compounded by the fact I have to mentor skanks at work!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Blondie
Police officer (signing to the tune of Animal Crackers in My Soup): I like maggots in my soup…
Police Department
Randolph, New Jersey
Office lady #1: Should I rent Transamerica? I heard it was a comedy. I’m worried about handling the whole sex change thing. How can that be funny?
Office lady #2: I recommend it, but it’s about a personal journey — it’s not a comedy.
Office lady #1: Is it funny?
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Coworker: You should be able to mail a FedEx envelope at the post office. You shouldn't have to put it in a FedEx box. I mean, people get FedEx envelopes all the time.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: MyBrainHurts
Attorney: I’m so pregnant… My husband always says, ‘Honey, you’re a whale!’ And then I tell him, ‘Shut up! You’re an immigrant!’
Admin: You should really stop saying that to him.
Attorney: Well, he is, and it’s a term of endearment! Like when I call you a dirty whore!
Hackensack, New Jersey
