New Jersey

Woman #1: Maybe it fell out because her vagina had no…tone.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #3: Right, no Kegel’s.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Right, you are supposed to do Kegel’s all day.
Woman #2: Since when?
Woman #1: From when you are 20. Or have a lot of sex.
Woman #3: I’d rather have a lot of sex than do Kegel’s, but I do them, too.
Woman #2: What? My vagina is fine without either one. Don’t tell my husband that, either.
Woman #3: You’ll be sorry when you are older.
Woman #1: You never did Kegel’s? We used to have contests at my other job.

Only man in the meeting walks in.

Woman #2: Well! What do men have to do?
Woman #3, smiling sweetly: Nothing. Men are perfect.

Bergen County, New Jersey

New girl: Someone put all this filing on my desk. Don’t we have someone to take care of all this petty crap?
Old girl: Yes. You.

1 Becton Drive
Franklin Lakes, New Jersey

Man: We’re gonna make some bratwurst.
Woman #1: What’s the difference between sausage and bratwurst?
Woman #2: Well, bratwurst is German.
Woman #1: So they’re just German pigs?

Company picnic
Montclair, New Jersey

Customer: Do you have the new quarters from Texas?
Teller: Yes, we do. How many would you like?
Customer: Just one.
Teller: One roll or one quarter?
Customer: Just one quarter…how much do they cost?

57 Route 206
Tabernacle, New Jersey

Overheard by: Kelly

Office peon: She acts like Japan!

Carnegie Center
Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Did I hear that right?

Guy: Can you do me there?
Woman: What?
Guy, yelling: Do me in the spreadsheet!

Rutgers office of Information Technology
New Brunswick, New Jersey

Overheard by: in the next room

Boss: You’re starting to sound like my wife.
Employee: He can’t sound like your wife, he doesn’t hate you.
Boss: Yes, he does.

300 Pompton Road
Wayne, New Jersey

Overheard by: Lots of love going around

Male employee: So who are some other famous pairs? Tom & Jerry… Bonnie & Clyde… Ren & Stimpy…
Female employee: Your mom and Chuck Norris?

Lawrenceville, New Jersey

Coworker: The kung pao chicken had too much pao.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Engineer: Damn, I'm tired. I was up all night with a case of the number threes.
VP: Number threes?
Engineer: You know, when you think you have to go number two, but actually you have to puke in the bathtub.

Paterson, New Jersey