Female receptionist #1: Yeah, now he's all disfigured.
Female receptionist #2: A chipped tooth? They can fix that easy.
Female receptionist #1: Yeah, but we're trying to get a prescription for medical marijuana. Or at least a handicapped parking decal.
Jersey City
Overheard by: It's painful just listening
Old drone #1: In my father's day all the men used to get in a circle and measure each other.
Old drone #2: Well, women do that stuff all the time.
Young drone: What?
Old drone #2: Yeah, don't you be askin' your girlfriends if somethin makes your boobs or butt look big?
Young drone: Yeah, but we don't sit there and see who has the biggest vagina. Gross!
Old drone #2: Yeah, well, you wouldn't want to win that contest.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Engineer #1: You don't want me designing that machine. Not even if I was the last man on earth.
Project manager: If you were the last man on earth, who would there be to ask you to design it?
Engineer #2: The last woman on earth?
Engineer #1: I definitely wouldn't do it then. No matter what I did, she would make me wrong. Fuck that!
Paterson, New Jersey
Postdoc: No, my landlord won’t allow two people living in the apartment.
Grad student: But it’s just your wife living with you.
Postdoc: Right.
Grad student: But wives don’t count as people!
Carl Icahn Laboratory
Princeton, New Jersey
Cubemate to another: You know, I am thinking and typing at the same time…
Jersey City, New Jersey
Office man: Watermelon seeds look like ticks.
Office lady: No, they don't.
Office man: Yes they do!
Office lady: They don't have legs!
Plainsboro, New Jersey
IT guy #1: You just need to shut your mouth and cowboy up.
IT guy #2, shocked: Cowboy up!?
IT guy #1: Yeah, cowboy up.
IT guy #2, dismissively: Cowboy up, my ass…
New Jersey
Overheard by: Sully
Suit #1: Why didn’t you call me?
Suit #2: I didn’t have your number.
Suit #1: If you called me I could have given it to you.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Director (without any trace of irony): So we're going to do a high five every time? That's a great idea!
Producer: Yeah–let's get you all in a circle for the high five.
Onscreen talent (forming a circle): Let's get merchandising! (group high five)
Westfield, New Jersey
Woman #1: Maybe it fell out because her vagina had no…tone.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #3: Right, no Kegel’s.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Right, you are supposed to do Kegel’s all day.
Woman #2: Since when?
Woman #1: From when you are 20. Or have a lot of sex.
Woman #3: I’d rather have a lot of sex than do Kegel’s, but I do them, too.
Woman #2: What? My vagina is fine without either one. Don’t tell my husband that, either.
Woman #3: You’ll be sorry when you are older.
Woman #1: You never did Kegel’s? We used to have contests at my other job.
Only man in the meeting walks in.
Woman #2: Well! What do men have to do?
Woman #3, smiling sweetly: Nothing. Men are perfect.
Bergen County, New Jersey
