Librarian: Your card is locked because there appears to be ketchup or chocolate milk all over this book you returned. You have to pay for a replacement.
Patron: It’s vomit. I don’t do chocolate milk.
Librarian: You still have to pay.
Public library
Park Ridge, New Jersey
Overheard by: Part Time Librarian
Suit #1: How did your glasses break?
Suit #2: A big girl sat on them.
Suit #1: Next time take them off your face first.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Admin: The fax machine says “jam error”. Is that on our end or theirs?
100 Parsonage Road
Edison, New Jersy
Supervisor: So Tina* and I are actually getting along really well! We discovered that we both have the same work style, which is Crazy Psycho Bitch.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
CSR #1: Do you remember Barbie?
CSR #2: Barbie? Was she the one who used to chain her chair to her desk?
CSR #1: No, that was someone else — Barbie was the one who used to have Barbie dolls all over her desk and pink fluffy pens and stuff?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon is having a ball today
Coworker #1: Hey, look — a list of famous people born on Friday the 13th.
Coworker #2: I wonder if I was born on Friday the 13th…
Coworker #1: When’s your birthday?
Coworker #2: August 5th.
Coworker #1: Then no…
Weehawken, New Jersey
Overheard by: Brian
Co-worker #1: Ew!
Co-worker #2: What?
Co-worker #1: His internet history has porn on it!
Co-worker #2: Really?
Co-worker #1: Yeah!
Co-worker #2: Like what?
Co-worker #1: A whole bunch of free stuff from [Fleshbot].com. I can’t believe this.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I know…
Co-worker #1: I mean…I don’t care if he does this at home, but not at this computer…We work in here!
Co-worker #2: Yeah…Sure…What was that site again?
41 West Clinton Avenue
Tenafly, New Jersey
Female cubicle-dweller: Good news! Remember that smell I kept smelling but couldn’t find? That garbage smell? It was me!
1009 Lenox Drive
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Old lady #1: They'll be all “whats that white stuff on yo' face?”
Old lady #2: Just tell 'em it's White-Out or something…
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Female sales rep #1: So I don't like that kind too much.
Female sales rep #2: You like yours to be a little harder, like more firm?
Female sales rep #1: Yeah, but not too hard, I need to be able to pull the skin back and get to the good part.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
