Tenured faculty guy: You know you really should start attending faculty meetings.
Non-tenured faculty guy: Why? I’m not allowed to vote on any departmental issues.
Tenured faculty guy: It would still be professionally instructive for you to attend.
Non-tenured faculty guy: But I’m already aware of the fact that this department is full of petulant egomaniacs.
Department of Mathematics
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Manager in meeting: We’ll hit that bridge when we come to it.
London
England
Manager: I just want to know — what is the penetration of 12 to 17-year-old girls?
Analyst: I’m not sure we want to show that…
Manager: They need to know how many 12 to 17-year-olds have been penetrated!
28 State Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Project manager: So there's a naughty spot in the bowling alley?
Swiftwater, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: stop talking, start working please
Cowboy #1 looking at catered lunch: Well, they sure didn’t leave us any knives or anything to use with these cold cuts!
Cowboy #2: You’re right!
Cowboy #1: I’d use mine, but I don’t know if it’s been rinsed this week… Haha!
Cowboy #2: Haha! Mine either!
Cowboy #1: Haha, yeah, and I know where mine’s been!
Hospital conference room
Twin Falls, Idaho
Presenter: The activity we're going to do is called “me in a bag.” Has anyone ever done “me in a bag”? Who's done “me in a bag”?
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Guy #1: Are there any bagels left from the meeting this morning?
Guy #2: Yeah, but we're saving them to reuse for another meeting tomorrow.
Guy #1: Wait. What? We can spend $20,000 on presentation materials, but we can't spend $6 for fresh bagels?!
Woodland Park, New Jersey
Office monkey #1: I am so mad at John. I just scheduled three meetings for him on Thursday morning. Don't ask me how I pulled that rabbit out of my ass!
Office monkey #2: Wow…where'd you get the expression “pulling a rabbit out of your ass?”
Office monkey #1: Because pulling a rabbit out of a hat is easy!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Wondering how to pull a rabbit out…
Co-worker #1: I swear, you’d think we never eat the way we jump on the free food.
Co-worker #2: If it weren’t for work I don’t think I would eat.
Co-worker #1: Yeah, but I always forget and eat and then I have to eat again when it’s free.
Co-worker #2: Not me. I wait for it. But sometimes that’s bad, ’cause like, then one day I’ll be hungry and I’ll be all like, “Why didn’t you guys have a meeting today?!”
640 5th Avenue
New York, NY
