Meetings

Male suit: Meetings are like suction cups. They stick to things and leave a lasting mark that's tough to clean off. They can be useful in some instances, though they almost always suck, and when they don't suck people try and make them suck in a different location.
Underling: You forgot to add, though, that when they aren't working right, you can always start licking to see it that helps. A little moisture always makes things more interesting.

Central Point, Oregon

Overheard by: Turbo

Woman #1: I don’t think I can handle a two-hour meeting.
Woman #2: The trick is to doodle in your notebook the whole time; it looks like you’re taking notes.
Woman #1: I can design outfits for my cat rodeo!

330 South 3rd Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Cora

Tenured faculty guy: You know you really should start attending faculty meetings.
Non-tenured faculty guy: Why? I’m not allowed to vote on any departmental issues.
Tenured faculty guy: It would still be professionally instructive for you to attend.
Non-tenured faculty guy: But I’m already aware of the fact that this department is full of petulant egomaniacs.

Department of Mathematics
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Manager in meeting: We’ll hit that bridge when we come to it.

London
England

Manager: I just want to know — what is the penetration of 12 to 17-year-old girls?
Analyst: I’m not sure we want to show that…
Manager: They need to know how many 12 to 17-year-olds have been penetrated!

28 State Street
Boston, Massachusetts

VP in meeting: She came underneath me.

Vienna, Virginia

Overheard by: Giggling note-taker

Project manager: So there's a naughty spot in the bowling alley?

Swiftwater, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: stop talking, start working please

Cowboy #1 looking at catered lunch: Well, they sure didn’t leave us any knives or anything to use with these cold cuts!
Cowboy #2: You’re right!
Cowboy #1: I’d use mine, but I don’t know if it’s been rinsed this week… Haha!
Cowboy #2: Haha! Mine either!
Cowboy #1: Haha, yeah, and I know where mine’s been!

Hospital conference room
Twin Falls, Idaho

Presenter: The activity we're going to do is called “me in a bag.” Has anyone ever done “me in a bag”? Who's done “me in a bag”?

Greenwood Village, Colorado

Guy #1: Are there any bagels left from the meeting this morning?
Guy #2: Yeah, but we're saving them to reuse for another meeting tomorrow.
Guy #1: Wait. What? We can spend $20,000 on presentation materials, but we can't spend $6 for fresh bagels?!

Woodland Park, New Jersey