Supervisor #1: Before this meeting gets started, let's go over what I want.
Supervisor #2: I know what she wants! She wants my pants!
Tucson, Arizona
Female office worker: My mother's having surgery to remove a tumor in her breast today, so count me out for the lunch meeting, I'm going to wait for a phone call on her condition.
Male office worker (uncomfortably): Uh, I hope she's ok. Have you heard from Chris today?
Female office worker: No, he's coming in, right?
Male office worker: As far as I know, hope he doesn't have breast cancer.
Law Firm
New York City, New York
VP: Wow that sounds bad. Do we need to have a pre-meeting about that meeting?
3415 Vision Drive
Columbus, Ohio
Boss in meeting: Let's send out an e-mail to all employees announcing our new employee newsletter before we e-mail it to everyone, because otherwise people won't read it if it just shows up in their in-box.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: overcommunication hurts
Co-worker #1: There’s an all-hands meeting today at 11:45.
Co-worker #2: Oh, I’m going to be busy then. Do I have to go?
Co-worker #1: Do you have hands?
4540 Lacey Boulevard SE
Lacey, Washington
Overheard by: Melisa
Diversity committee meeting leader: What’s the makeup of the Long Island office?
Voice on speakerphone: Two Jewish, one black, and two American.
Meeting attendee: I think she means WASP.
350 Broadway
New York, New York
Worker #1: I can’t believe [Jim] didn’t show up for the meeting.
Worker #2: I know. He has some nerve.
Worker #1: I hope he gets a painful rash in the anal region…if you know what I mean.
245 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Coworker #1, about unproductive meeting: It's like a circle jerk?
Coworker #2: A circle jerk where no one comes.
Coworker #1: Those are the worst kinds.
Sacramento, California
Male suit: Meetings are like suction cups. They stick to things and leave a lasting mark that's tough to clean off. They can be useful in some instances, though they almost always suck, and when they don't suck people try and make them suck in a different location.
Underling: You forgot to add, though, that when they aren't working right, you can always start licking to see it that helps. A little moisture always makes things more interesting.
Central Point, Oregon
Overheard by: Turbo
Woman #1: I don’t think I can handle a two-hour meeting.
Woman #2: The trick is to doodle in your notebook the whole time; it looks like you’re taking notes.
Woman #1: I can design outfits for my cat rodeo!
330 South 3rd Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Cora
