Lies

Man #1: What's in the bag?
Man #2: Fake pussies.
Woman: What?!
Man #2: Fake pussy willows.

Manhattan, New York

Customer on cell with full cart of groceries: Hello? Yeah, I had to stay at work late 'cos one of the other girls was sick… I just got in my car now.

Mamaroneck, New York

Overheard by: The Cashier

Disgruntled lady with broken iPod: I expect the customer service to go hand in hand with the product I bought.
Apple store employee: I see, but there is water damage to the iPod.
Disgruntled lady with broken iPod: But it did not happen while I have had it, it probably happened in the store.
Apple store employee: How long have you had it?
Disgruntled lady with broken iPod: It's brand new.
Apple store employee: This model has been discontinued.
Disgruntled lady with broken iPod: Well whatever damage happened, I didn't do it. I didn't drop it in water.
Apple store employee: Ma'am, we don't put water in our iPods.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Celine

Coworker: I don't have a listing for anyone, period. Okay, wait…that is a lie. I have listings, just not like on a list or anything.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rusty

Boss: Why can't I open this file?
Secretary: Because you did not click on the file.
Boss: I swear this computer lies to me all the time!

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: telling lies to the computer

Complaining sales girl: I'm freezing!
Jaded sales girl: No, you're not, it's an illusion. They paint the walls a color that fools your brain into thinking it's cold.
Complaining sales girl: Really?
Jaded sales girl: No, not really. Now go put on a damn sweater and quit complaining to me!

Shop
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: sasha

Wife on speakerphone to office mate: We're going to have to decide once and for all if we're going to do that insurance fraud thing.

Victoria, Texas

Overheard by: Why I never use speakerphone

Boss: So, this is the problem: the minute you see Stephanie, she just screams “fake boobs.”

New York City, New York

Coworker (exchanging his stapler for absent coworker's stapler): My stapler is broken.
Intern: You're bad! Bad!
Coworker: Muahahaha! I am eeeevil!

New York City, New York

Overheard by: Hiding my stapler

Warehouse guy: Where's David?
David, from his cubicle: Oh, they let him go, man. He's gone.
Warehouse guy: Uhhmm…

Charlotte, North Carolina