Manager: Take the mop bucket over to the mop area.
Employee: How?
Iowa
Manager: Take the mop bucket over to the mop area.
Employee: How?
Iowa
Female bookseller: How long does it usually take to get your deposit back on an apartment?
Male bookseller: It could be two or three months, depending on how big of an asshole they want to be.
Female bookseller: Hm. (pause) Yeah, I prefer smaller assholes.
Bookstore
Des Moines, Iowa
Coworker on telephone with client: No…I really don't know what kind of padlock to buy for a tent. (tries hard not to laugh)
North Liberty, Iowa
Overheard by: Krystal
Angry customer on phone: Where are you located at?
CSR: Iowa.
Angry customer on phone: I outta come there and kick your ass!
Calm CSR: With all due respect sir, bring it. (hangs up)
Boyrum
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: Cube Mate
Manager in hallway: Damn! I'm so sick of being a drug dealer!
Clear Lake, Iowa
Shipping clerk: What time is it in Virginia? Are they ahead of us or behind us?
Shipping manager: They're to the right of us.
Shipping clerk: Huh?
Shipping manager: Virginia is on the East Coast. The same east that the sun rises on.
Shipping clerk (after some thought): Okay, so it's earlier there?
Shipping manager: No, it's later by one hour.
Shipping clerk (after a little more thought): How can it be later in Virginia if the sun is still rising there? It's been up here for a few hours now!
Des Moines, Iowa
Finance director: Is Halloween on the 28th this year?
E 9th & Lyon Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: Receptionist
Undergrad: If I shit a brick, what would the geologists think of it?
Men’s room, University of Iowa
Iowa
CSR: Do you like my dress? The website called it a muumuu, but I call it a dress. I don’t like dresses, but I wanted to wear one today. Did you know I don’t like silk dresses? They make me feel naked, and I don’t like feeling naked except when I’m naked — like when I’m naked in the shower… I ordered this dress from a website I found at work, and I got it in a box a week later. I don’t think it should have been in a box, because the box could have been damaged and then my dress would have been ruined, because boxes don’t protect anything.
Annoyed coworker: Um, you have a stain on your muumuu.
Coralville, Iowa
Nerd #1: Done! Like a bunny, I am quick!
Nerd #2: Like a ninja bunny!
Nerd #1: … A ninja, pirate bunny!
Telephone company
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: Jesus Christ
