Cashier: My nephew started swearing up a storm at me, and I almost punched him. Then he started saying, ‘Uno, dos, tres,’ and I realized it was Spanish he learned from Dora. Damn, I almost punched him, because I didn’t know what he was sayin’. I also hate those kids that used to run into the store when they saw those Barney footprints by the door… I used to want to punch them, too.
205 East Lincoln Way
Ames, Iowa
Overheard by: Not a Kid Fan, but not a Kid Puncher, either
Know-it-all peon: I swear, every invention in this world was invented for war. Highways, the Internet — everything! Don’t you read?
Lady peon: Okay, Eric*! What about perms? Hot rollers weren’t made for war!
Know-it-all peon: Perms aren’t inventions.
Lady peon: My ass, they aren’t!
Waterloo, Iowa
Academic advisor #1: Isn't there some lake in Utah with a lot of salt in it?
Academic advisor #2: Salt… Lake… City?
Des Moines, Iowa
Female coworker #1: So I bought this Tupperware to help wildlife. It comes in different colors and designs. This one has dolphins, and one of the others has monkeys on it.
Female coworker #2, mockingly: You are so fucking queer.
Female coworker #1, shouting: I'll show you fucking queer!
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: Shocked & Awed
White rich girl leaving mall with friends: I am so much more gangsta than you!
Mall
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: Am I Really in Iowa?
Interviewer: So, how would you say you handle changes in the workplace?
Interviewee: Um…Oh! I’m really good with change. I used to work a cash register, and if the total came to $7.49 and they gave me a ten, I’d give them 3…no…$2.60…uh…$2.51!
Interviewer: Uh…okay!
Ames, Iowa
Manager: So you’re saying that evolution works different for hobos? Okay, so as hobos get further away from the equator they become more evolved.
15 LC
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: TheChris
Coworker #1: Rio de Janeiro just won the vote to host the 2016 Olympic Games.
Coworker #2: Is that like a perfume?
Charles City, Iowa
Old boss: I used to do bad things, you know.
Young employee: Really?! Yeah, right.
Old boss: Yeah, like dealing coke. How do you think we got the money to start this place?
Des Moines, Iowa
Rep #1: What are you looking at?
Rep #2: It's a Mexican government web page. You can see the clouds and stuff anywhere in the world.
Rep #1: Cool.
Rep #2: It's super cool. I like, like the clouds and stuff. Maybe I should have been a cardiologist.
Sioux City, Iowa
