20-ish office girl: I am so mad at him! I sent him a Christmas card, but I did not write a note in it.

8th Street
Des Moines, Iowa

Middle aged TA, muttering to computer: Oh, look! It's an anal party!

Middle School

Overheard by: former NYer

Female suit to employee: I'm a weird person and I'm in a weird mood today, so you'd think they'd cancel each other out.

Iowa City, Iowa

Cashier: My nephew started swearing up a storm at me, and I almost punched him. Then he started saying, ‘Uno, dos, tres,’ and I realized it was Spanish he learned from Dora. Damn, I almost punched him, because I didn’t know what he was sayin’. I also hate those kids that used to run into the store when they saw those Barney footprints by the door… I used to want to punch them, too.

205 East Lincoln Way
Ames, Iowa

Overheard by: Not a Kid Fan, but not a Kid Puncher, either

Know-it-all peon: I swear, every invention in this world was invented for war. Highways, the Internet — everything! Don’t you read?
Lady peon: Okay, Eric*! What about perms? Hot rollers weren’t made for war!
Know-it-all peon: Perms aren’t inventions.
Lady peon: My ass, they aren’t!

Waterloo, Iowa

Academic advisor #1: Isn't there some lake in Utah with a lot of salt in it?
Academic advisor #2: Salt… Lake… City?

Des Moines, Iowa

Female coworker #1: So I bought this Tupperware to help wildlife. It comes in different colors and designs. This one has dolphins, and one of the others has monkeys on it.
Female coworker #2, mockingly: You are so fucking queer.
Female coworker #1, shouting: I'll show you fucking queer!

Iowa City, Iowa

Overheard by: Shocked & Awed

White rich girl leaving mall with friends: I am so much more gangsta than you!

Des Moines, Iowa

Overheard by: Am I Really in Iowa?

Interviewer: So, how would you say you handle changes in the workplace?
Interviewee: Um…Oh! I’m really good with change. I used to work a cash register, and if the total came to $7.49 and they gave me a ten, I’d give them 3…no…$2.60…uh…$2.51!
Interviewer: Uh…okay!

Ames, Iowa

Manager: So you’re saying that evolution works different for hobos? Okay, so as hobos get further away from the equator they become more evolved.

15 LC
Iowa City, Iowa

Overheard by: TheChris