Guy #1: eHarmony. Maybe I should try that.
Guy #2: You’d have to know how to log on to a computer first.
190 N. Main Street
Roanoke, Indiana
Guy #1: eHarmony. Maybe I should try that.
Guy #2: You’d have to know how to log on to a computer first.
190 N. Main Street
Roanoke, Indiana
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talking about. What a jerk! That’s so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn’t even talk to the nurses after that.
777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Biotech peon: Someone should tell her that dress makes her look like a 90-year-old Hawaiian woman. A blind, drunk 90-year-old Hawaiian woman.
York Road
Elmhurst, Illinois
Lawyer on phone: I don’t care what you want to do, just file the fucking report! Shut the fuck up and file the fucking thing!
Client: Yikes.
Secretary: He’s yelling at his other secretary.
Client: …Yeah, but–
Lawyer: I said file the fucking thing!
Secretary: It’s okay. She’s also his wife.
430 West First Street
New Albany, Indiana
Part time girl: Isn't it illegal to work five days in a row?
Coworker: That's what normal people do.
Part time girl: Oh…that sucks.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Nicole
Boss: You know what my problem is? I’m too nice a guy. I fired [Lenore] this morning. I should’ve kept her on till the end of the day, but then I would’ve felt like I was using her. I’m an idiot.
Salesperson: That’s two problems.
40 Shuman Boulevard
Naperville, Illinois
Engineer: How much longer will you be using those prints?
Safety Manager: Five minutes.
Engineer: What if I borrow them for three minutes and then give them back to you?
Safety Manager: I’d say yes, but you won’t give them back in three minutes. So, no, you can’t borrow them.
Engineer: You’re so much like your dad, it’s not even funny.
186 Gilman Avenue
Campbell, California
Overheard by: Shannon
Co-worker on phone: I’m sorry, can you say that again?…I’m sorry…I’m having some trouble understanding what you’re trying to say…Why don’t you have your boss call me and we can get this straightened out?
Hangs up.
Co-worker: Just go back to your motherfucking country…Christ.
839 Marshall Phelps Road
Windsor, Connecticut
Overheard by: Douchey Douchelton
Finance: There must be something in between “tax accountant” and
“undercover narc.”
156 W. 56th Street
New York, NY
Assistant: I don’t think you’re crazy. I may vomit on you, but I don’t think you’re crazy.
9050 Washington Boulevard
Culver City, California
