Boss: You know what my problem is? I’m too nice a guy. I fired [Lenore] this morning. I should’ve kept her on till the end of the day, but then I would’ve felt like I was using her. I’m an idiot.
Salesperson: That’s two problems.
40 Shuman Boulevard
Naperville, Illinois
Engineer: How much longer will you be using those prints?
Safety Manager: Five minutes.
Engineer: What if I borrow them for three minutes and then give them back to you?
Safety Manager: I’d say yes, but you won’t give them back in three minutes. So, no, you can’t borrow them.
Engineer: You’re so much like your dad, it’s not even funny.
186 Gilman Avenue
Campbell, California
Overheard by: Shannon
Co-worker on phone: I’m sorry, can you say that again?…I’m sorry…I’m having some trouble understanding what you’re trying to say…Why don’t you have your boss call me and we can get this straightened out?
Hangs up.
Co-worker: Just go back to your motherfucking country…Christ.
839 Marshall Phelps Road
Windsor, Connecticut
Overheard by: Douchey Douchelton
Finance: There must be something in between “tax accountant” and
“undercover narc.”
156 W. 56th Street
New York, NY
Assistant: I don’t think you’re crazy. I may vomit on you, but I don’t think you’re crazy.
9050 Washington Boulevard
Culver City, California
Grunt #1: If there is a tornado today, are you our emergency person?
Grunt #2: Nope, I really don’t care if you die.
Beach Street
Fort Worth, Texas
Coworker on phone: Thank you for calling our company. How the hell may I help you now?
Manhattan, New York
Employee on phone: You couldn’t pay your dick three thousand dollars to work!
Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: jen
Boss to magazine editor on phone: Hello? Sorry, what’s your name? Jeff? Jeff? Really? Sorry, it’s just… you sound like a woman.
UK
Male realtor: Have you ever been to England?
Lady office manager: No, why?
Male realtor: The women there are really ugly no matter how horny you are.
Highway 19
Florida
