Eh, Once It Turns Around, We'll Be Suicidal Again

Drone #1: This sucks. I think I've run out of things to do for today.
Drone #2: I did that a couple of hours ago.
Drone #1: No wonder the economy contracted.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on March 26, 2015
Employees, Feelings, Illinois, Time Management, Weirdness

…I Have a T-Shirt That Says “Beer Is Food”

Coworker: Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying I'm a rapist, but…

Bloomington, Illinois

Overheard by: Watching her back on the way to her car

Posted on March 26, 2015
Coworkers, Illinois, Sexuality, Violence, Weirdness

Insert Disk Into Drive

Guy with monitor: You need anything else moved into your office?
Other guy: No, but you’re my IT bitch so I’ll call you when I need something.

525 W. Van Buren Street
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on March 23, 2015
Coworkers, Illinois, Insults, Tech People, Technology

What Happens When You Add Silicone to Your Diet

Employee #1: So, I’ve been taking them for about a month now.
Employee #2: Yeah?
Employee #1: I don’t feel bigger. Definitely… rounder… and harder, but not bigger.

Elk Grove, Illinois

Overheard by: Nick Danger

Posted on March 23, 2015
Coworkers, Illinois, Substance Use & Abuse

Jessica Simpson Finally Gets It

Consultant: Oh my god, sorry! I'm slow. And like… dumb.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: meeting jockey

Posted on March 13, 2015
Consultants, General Idiocy, Illinois, Insults

2PM Construction in Progress

Maintenance #1: Don’t break ’em off.
Maintenance #2: Don’t break what off?
Maintenance #1: These nuts.

224 South Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on March 7, 2015
Advice, Blue Collar, Coworkers, Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Words

Curly Always Has to Go Up the Ladder

[Technicians installing a new system]Technician #1: Ok, well it looks like we need to go up to the ceiling.
Technician #2: I’m going to go up the ladder.
Technician #3: You’re going to go up the ladder?
Technician #1: You’re going to go up the ladder?
Technician #2: I’m going to go up the ladder.
[Technician #2 goes up the ladder and takes some stuff apart]Technician #2: Ok, so I think this one is the heating hose.
Technician #1: That one’s the heating hose?
Technician #2: Yeah, this one’s the heating hose.
Technician #3: Ok, I?m going to activate it. Whoosh.
Technician #2: Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!
[Technician #3 turns it off]Technician #2: Ok, that’s the heating hose.

Enterprise Drive
Oak Brook, Illinois