Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category

1PM Lunch

Co-worker: I didn’t know we were supposed to wear green today. I guess I didn’t get that memo.
Manager: I didn’t get that one either; just the one about the underwear.

6611 Preston Avenue
Livermore, California

What with His Mother Spinning in the Coffin

Cashier: Is that the one you were engaged to?
Manager: Yes.
Cashier: Who broke it off?
Manager: He did. But I’m glad he did — he was a nutcase.
Cashier: Oh. Really crazy or just strange?
Manager: Crazy. Didn’t I tell you? He proposed to me again at his mother’s funeral after he had broken off the first engagement.
Customer and cashier: What?!
Manager: Yeah. He got down on one knee in front of all his family as they were lowering the freakin’ casket with his dead mother into the ground and asked me to marry him again. I said no, of course.
Cashier: Well, that’s awkward.

Grocery store
New Jersey

Overheard by: Laura

Of Course They’re Expensive –They’re Moloko Dispensers

Hick girl #1: Look, I’m just saying, that bitch was a bitch.
Hick girl #2: She is such a bitch.
Hick girl #1: I know. And her costume wasn’t even funny.
Hick girl #2: I don’t think they’re supposed to be funny. I think they’re supposed to be scary.
Hick girl #1: Her tits are scary.
Hick girl #2: She’s always showin’ her tits. I don’t wanna see them scary-ass tits.
Bitch: My tits are expensive, you stupid hick bitches.
Hick girl #1: Why didn’t you say you were in there, bitch? God, you’re a bitch.
Hick girl #2: Bitch.

Nashville, Tennessee

And He Sees Me As a Kind of Alien Cafeteria Lady

Crazy dog lady: Ajax was running around in the shower this morning and chasing the water. It was so cute!
Coworker: He was in the shower with you?
Crazy dog lady: Yes. He needs to get clean. He has a white coat and he gets so dirty.
Coworker: You took a shower with your dog? Were you naked? Ewww…
Crazy dog lady: What? He was dirty!

Fort Worth, Texas

You Have to Be Able to Engineer As Directed

Engineer: I have a college degree in engineering. I know about these things.
Line lead: Well, I’ve got a big dick… That doesn’t make me a porn star! [Engineer leaves.] 

Boat factory
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: i dont want to see that movie

11AM Company Meeting

Employee #1: So you’re saying the rumors about the possible merger aren’t true?
Board Member: Yes. It’s like we’re dating. We’re going out but we haven’t kissed yet.
Employee #2: You may not have kissed yet, but it sure seems like you’re sleeping together.

1500 Wallace Boulevard
Amarillo, Texas