Cashier #1: It’s my ten month anniversary today!
Cashier #2: That’s a long time.
Cashier #1: I know, half of a year!
640 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Cashier #1: It’s my ten month anniversary today!
Cashier #2: That’s a long time.
Cashier #1: I know, half of a year!
640 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Interviewer: Tell me about a time when you had to decide something quickly.
Applicant: When I quit my last job. Just one day, I’d had enough.
Interviewer: So…you didn’t give notice.
Applicant: It’s not like they didn’t know it was coming. They laid off a bunch of people later.
Interviewer: What do you think are your greatest strengths?
Applicant: I’m reliable. Very dependable.
301 Industrial Boulevard
Conway, Arkansas
Overheard by: Denise
Employee #1: I was on time every day this week.
Employee #2: What? No way. You? Please, you’re always late.
Employee #1: No, seriously.
Employee #2: Dude, weren’t you late today? You’re always late on Fridays.
Employee #1: I got here at 8:35 but normally I show up at 9am, so I wasn’t late today.
Employee #2: 8:35 is late. Everyone else shows up at 8.
Employee #1: I have to take my daughter to school so that’s why I’m typically late…but um…her school’s out now for the summer so…yeah, I just forgot to set my alarm.
3320 West Cheryl Drive
Phoenix, Arizona
Employee: I’ve never traveled for work before. Is there a per diem, or…?
Boss: Well, there’s an allowance of ten dollars a day for breakfast, fifteen dollars a day for lunch, and twenty-five dollars a day for dinner. So, fifty dollars a day. But save all your receipts, you have to turn all of them in to get credit for what you spend.
Employee: So if I ate a banana for breakfast and a banana for lunch…could I go to a Braves game at night?
Boss: [squinting] Uh…
Employee: Okay, how about this: a banana for breakfast, a banana for lunch, and prostitutes in the hotel room?
Boss: You know, why don’t you go to a Braves game?
Employee: That sounds great, thank you!
12920 SE 38th Street
Bellevue, Washington
VP : So tell me again, why should she get a raise?
Director: She’s been with us fifteen years, just completed her Masters and has made a lot of money for us the last 10 years.
VP: Listen, we don’t give out raises for people who do a good job. You’ve gotta have a better reason than that.
1600 East Wendover Avenue
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Tom Duehring
Coworker #1: If she had been paying attention, she would have caught that.
Coworker #2: Does she know to look for it?
Coworker #1: No, she doesn’t know enough to look for it. I’m not ready to show her that, yet.
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Operations manager: We have to work on communication. We are not communicating with each other. It’s a fault of everybody’s, not to say it’s a fault, but it is a weakness — not just of mine but of everyone’s. Maybe not a weakness so much as a failing.
1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California
Manager to department head: That guy is a real Einstein, why did you hire him?
Department head: I didn’t hire him, you did. I call him Einstein.
Manager: You gonna fire him?
Department head: Can’t, you hired him, you gotta fire him.
Manager: Hey, Einstein! Come here for a minute.
Einstein comes up to manager.
Manager: Einstein, anyone ever tell you that you are sharp as a marble?
Einstein: Gee, no, thanks!
Manager: Einstein, you are just too sharp for this job, I have to let you go.
Einstein: GEE! Thanks!
12 Oaks Mall
Novi, Michigan
Salesguy: Hon? No, i didn’t call her “hon”. . . I don’t even call my wife “hon.” Isn’t that one of those… terms of endearmeants? Is that what it’s called? [Pause] I do use the B-word a lot.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker #1: I think he had some kind of superdog
Coworker #2: What is a Superdog?
Coworker #1: I think they are dogs that do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to retarded kids or something.
Coworker #2: Oh… okay, yeah, I know the ones.
5885 NW Cornelius Pass Road
Hillsboro, Oregon
Overheard by: Curious Listener
