Boy #1: Man, why'd you kill me?
Boy #2: No, I didn't kill you, he killed you!
Public Library
Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Chey
Chubby secretary: So, my friend from college was roommates with this guy who went to high school with this girl whose brother was eaten by Jeffrey Dahmer!
Friend: Oh my god! You could have been killed!
Tampa, Florida
Minister: At least I know where I'm going when I die… Heaven.
Drunk worker: Yeah, I'm going there too.
Minister: You gotta change first.
Drunk worker: I know, I just did…
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Derrick McClure
Cashier to bagger: My mom is picking me up because I can't drive until I find my glasses, I lost them and only have my contacts in.
Bagger: So? You can't drive with your contacts?
Cashier: My license says that I must wear corrective lenses!
Atlantic Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Sharyn
Queer employee: Don’t we have any hard candy to suck on?
5200 Blue Lagoon Drive
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Lizzo
Female co-worker: Oh my god, I love gay Asians!
Ad Agency
Florida
Military contractor: Well, on one hand he said I was one of the most efficient people he’s ever worked with. On the other hand, I almost got a lieutenant kicked out under ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.’
Eglin Air Force Base
Florida
Office Manager: Well, I’m done with my conference call.
Employee: That wasn’t very long.
Office Manager: Sorry about that. I aim to satisfy.
132 East Central Avenue
Lake Wales, Florida
Male boss to female employee: The best way to learn is on your knees. That way they don’t fall as far if you drop them.
Orlando, Florida
COO: Hey, Dave*! Larry* just called.
VP: Really, how's he doing?
COO: He said to make sure when I see you to say, “Fuck you, Dave*!”
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: UN Reject
