Executive: If I had to use that, my arm would fall off!
Scientist: This coming from the guy with the largest disposable pipette!
Rockland, Maryland
Executive: If I had to use that, my arm would fall off!
Scientist: This coming from the guy with the largest disposable pipette!
Rockland, Maryland
VP on phone with angry customer: Well, I’m sorry that nobody has been here to take your calls or return your messages yet. We’ve been busy in the office lately… Yes, I understand it’s frustrating, but we’re doing all we can… Okay, look Larry*, look — the reason nobody’s here whenever you call is because we just got caller ID last week, and everybody ignores you because nobody wants to deal with you because you’re an asshole… Yeah, I heard you were a real piece of work to our receptionist… You’re an asshole! Yeah? Well, I don’t care if we have your business anymore. Asshole!
Beltsville, Maryland
Overheard by: The abused receptionist
VP: Well, we’ll just keep compromising until we reach mediocrity.
139 Townsend
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Amy
Secretary: I’m going to Target at lunch. You need anything?
V.P.: Underwear! I always need underwear!
Secretary: Um…I’m not really comfortable with that.
1501 Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Pirate Wench
President: I know that the budget cuts have hit everyone very hard, but we want you to know that we appreciate everyone’s hard work and efforts and we think that you should all take the time to celebrate…er…in your own minds.
3081 Zanker Road
San Jose, California
Navy commander to his three-year old who’s locked herself in the connecting bathroom again: Susie*, open this door at once! I command you!
Visiting officer’s quarters, Tachikawa Air Force base
Tokyo
Japan
Engineer: Let me guess, are you going to put on your “MBA Hat”?
Supervisor: How about I put my “Foot Hat” in your “Butt Hat”?
500 North Gulph Road
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
VP: Wow that sounds bad. Do we need to have a pre-meeting about that meeting?
3415 Vision Drive
Columbus, Ohio
Executive assistant: Does anyone have a dictionary?
Coworker: No, but it is online. You can just go to dictionary.com, or Google dictionary.
Executive assistant: That sounds too hard for me. Can you just e-mail me the link?
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: I can't belive she gets paid more than me
CFO is spouting gossip at happy hour.
Copywriter: How many have you had?!
CFO: What, wives or martinis?
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
