Assistant on phone with sales rep: Allen*, what was going on with that part for Darin*?
Allen: It’ll be in here in the morning. I’m going to drive it down there, and I’m probably going to have to blow him, but I won’t like it!
Assistant on phone: He said they’ll… Wait… What did you say, Allen?!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Employee: Welcome to ABC Theaters*. What can I do for you today?
Collegiate: Do you have a student discount?
Employee: I’m sorry, sir, ABC does not believe in education.
299 Swannanoa River Road
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Got my GED
Guy #1: I was talking to Megan the other day. She is pretty cool.
Guy #2: Yeah, she is, but man, she is really bulimic.
Guy #3: Bulimic? What does that mean? Does that mean she’s deaf?
YMCA
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: T
Salesperson: When do you need these parts? ASAP or as soon as possible?
630-2 Broadway Avenue
Holbrook, New York
Female phlebotomist to male patient: I hope this is a size 25 needle. [Sticks him] Oh, no! This is a size 22 needle — it’s too small. Blood is rushing into the vein, see? It’s blowing up. I’m blowing you! … Oh my god, I don’t mean that!
Medical center
Medford, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dr. Fred
Make-up counter girl: … And can I interest you in our free gift?
Customer: Sure! What is it?
Make-up girl: It’s a real faux leather bag!
Department store, 34th Street
New York, New York
Cube dweller: Well, you don’t want to be ambiguous in your genocide.
31355 Oak Crest Drive
Westlake Village, California
Employee #1, on ant infestation: I noticed there were a few just walking around by themselves on my desk.
Employee #2: Those are scouts! Kill them or they’ll go back and tell the others the coast is clear, then you’ll have a rope of them!
Employee #1: I know, so I tried breaking the legs on one of them hoping he’d go back and tell the others not to come, it’s not safe, but all he did was walk around in circles on my desk, so I just smashed him.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Employee #3
Sales guy: The best place to call for help is Support.
301 Rockrimmon Boulevard
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Mystified
ERT member: Sir, you need to exit the building for the evacuation drill.
Employee re-entering building: I’m emotionally distraught. I can’t participate.
Midwest
