[In the ER.]Nurse #1: Oh my god.
Nurse #2: What?
Nurse #1, looking horrified: I just entered all of these notes on the wrong patient’s file.
Nurse #2: It’s okay. Just go back, delete, and re-enter them for the right patient.
Nurse #1, distressed at herself: But that’s awful! What would have happened?
Nurse #2, shrugging: ‘s’okay, happens all the time.
Hospital
Beckley, West Virginia
Woman #1: I haven’t had a haircut since my friend died.
Woman #2: Why not?
Woman #1: She used to do my hair for nothing.
Woman #2: Well, it looks like a fucking Brillo pad now. I’d throw some money at your head, and fast!
365 W Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Sales rep: I swear, these people have no concept of the future. They're all, “I'm fine right now, whatever.” if they're all psychic, I wonder how so many of them keep going out of business.
Customer service rep: Psychics can't see things about themselves, they're too close to themselves.
Sales rep: I don't believe in psychics.
Customer service rep: I'm psychic.
Sales rep: Yeah, you're psychic, like when you told me Jerry* and I would start dating a week after we started sleeping together, and that was like three months ago.
Customer service rep: Well, you were sending a vibe, you were all excited about him.
Sales rep: I get excited about velcro, but I'm not about to have babies with it.
Fort Mill, South Carolina
Woman on phone: I just don’t want you to end up on that show where the news reporter comes into the kitchen and the guys have their pants off…
K Street
Washington, DC
Female vegetarian coworker to male office executive at lunch pizza party: Keep your sausages to yourself!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Woman wearing glasses straining to read document: Ugh! I need glasses.
San Diego, California
Coworker #1: How did you get that to work? I couldn't…
Coworker #2, interrupting: I was following orders.
Coworker #1: Oh… I was following “lazy.”
(laughter)
Government Military Office
Southern California
Overheard by: Soybean
Boss to assistant: What! I can't believe you sent a fax with a handwritten cover sheet!
Assistant: Well, I thought that…
Boss, cutting her off angrily: And with purple pen?
Assistant: Uh… faxes are black and white when they come out the other side.
Boss, shaking head: Still…
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Color blind…
"well, I actually like to stick things into my body." said by team manager when someone expressed disdain about getting a flu shot.
2835 Decker Lake Drive, Salt Lake City
Front office lady #1: “Abraham begot Isaac.” What does that mean?
Front office lady #2: It means Abraham is Isaac’s father -he had Isaac. It’s like “Adam knew Eve.” That means Adam banged her.
Front office lady #1: I don’t think you can say that.
Medical Office
Lincoln, Nebraska
