Coworker: His problem is that he has two perfectly good legs attached to an asshole. He needs to have his legs removed so he can be a whole asshole.
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: very amused
Coworker: His problem is that he has two perfectly good legs attached to an asshole. He needs to have his legs removed so he can be a whole asshole.
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: very amused
Coworker on phone with customer: No. We do not accept payments via fax. No, I'm sorry, you cannot fax your money to us. (pause) Ma'am, you can mail your check or money order to us, we can take check or CC over the phone, but we do not accept cash via fax.
Southington, Connecticut
Cop: Put the knife down, you don’t want to do this.
Depressed guy: Stay back! I’m serious I’ll do it!
Cop: Come on, put the knife down so we can talk.
Depressed guy: Stay back!
Cop, pulling out his Taser: Ok, last chance, put the knife down or I’ll Tase you!
Depressd guy: Stop, I don’t want to get hurt!
Cromwell, Connecticut
Overheard by: CT Observer
Guy: Today, from 1:30 to 4:30 I played tic-tac-toe and hangman, and then at 4:30 I played board games and drank booze. I love my job.
Westport, Connecticut
White girl: So, what do you mean you guys don’t have stockings on Christmas?
Hispanic girl: Spanish people’s Christmas is more about expensive electronic gifts.
White girl: I just don’t understand — you also use all new decorations every year.
Hispanic girl: Yeah, we don’t really do tradition well.
White girl: Spanish people are weird.
Black girl: Yeah, well, white girls smell like potato chips.
789 Howard Avenue
New Haven, Connecticut
Female coworker to male coworker rolling sleeves near window: What are you, He-Man?
Male coworker: I'm fucking tanning, you asshole!
Plainville, Connecticut
HR manager: Why does she keep calling it a guidebook? It's an employee handbook! A guidebook is for when you go to the Cayman Islands and need to find a donkey!
Norwalk, Connecticut
Employee: I asked for tomorrow off, ’cause I don’t feel like working in the rain. I’ll probably go fishing, though — I don’t mind fishing in the rain.
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Work bee #1: Do you get paid more because you speak two languages?
Work bee #2: No. I should, right? One would think…
Work bee #1: Yeah, seriously, speaking two languages is like having an extra toe, it makes you stand out.
Shelton, Connecticut
Peon #1: You know what I can’t wait to do?
Peon #2: Let me guess — dip, masturbate, take a shit.
Peon #1: And…?
Peon #2: Drink?
Peon #1: So you are listening.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: anon
