Contractor: Ma’am, just so you know for the next time we’re called in, caulking is not spelled C-O-C-K-I-N-G. It’s C-A-U-L-K-I-N-G.
Red-faced manager: Oh!
Retirement home
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Giggling
Contractor: Ma’am, just so you know for the next time we’re called in, caulking is not spelled C-O-C-K-I-N-G. It’s C-A-U-L-K-I-N-G.
Red-faced manager: Oh!
Retirement home
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Giggling
CSR: Okay, sir, I’m now going to give you your confirmation number: 5-9-7*-M as in ‘Michael’– No, M as in ‘Michael.’ No, I know your name is not Michael, sir. I’m saying ‘M as in Michael.’ Okay… 5-9-7-M as in ‘mother’– Sir… Yes, I’m sorry… I’m not saying you’re a woman, sir…
999 de Maisonneuve Boulevard
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Monika
CCA #1: There are so many people here who are pregnant!
CCA #2: Must be something in the water.
CCA #1: Yeah, seems like.
Male supervisor: Man, I hope I don’t get pregnant.
2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Peon #1: Did you hear they’re thinking about banning all gel-enhanced bras on airplanes?
Peon #2: Women wear gel in their bras?
Peon #1: It’s like padding, but gel, which gives it a more natural enhancement and feel.
Peon #2: That’s false advertising!
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Editor: I really like Ethiopian food.
Publisher: Melanie* gained 10 pounds when she was in Africa.
Sparks Street
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Male worker on phone: What? Was it my fault? I’m sorry, I said the wrong thing… So she’s still in heat?
11th Avenue
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Needs a new desk soon
Employee #1: Alright, so I could say, ‘One thousand, one hundred twenty-five — the average number of apples on a tree.’
Employee #2: Hey, wait, no — that’s not right. It’s too many.
Employee #1: Well, can you prove it? You would have to count every apple on every tree in the world.
Employee #2: No, I’d just count out of a hundred apple trees and get an average from that.
Employee #1: But that’d be an incomplete average, and I said ‘every tree,’ so you’d have to count, like, pine trees and…
Employee #2: There are no apples on pine trees!
Mapleview Drive
Barrie, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: fellow bewildered worker-bee
Manager #1: I don’t understand why they didn’t process these taxes… Hey, do you ever find your fingers swell and contract, like, every day? A lot?
Manager #2: No.
277 Front Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
CEO discussing a potential partner: I think they’re more pregnant with us than they’d care to admit.
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Female student #1: I dunno — maybe I should give up drinking.
Female student #2: That’s never a good idea.
Female student #1: It’s just that I’m older, y’know? The drinking scene is so played…
Male student, joining them minutes later: So, what are you guys doing this weekend?
Female student #1: Getting fucking hammered.
Female student #2: What happened to giving up drinking?
Female student #1: Oh, please, that was so two minutes ago.
University Avenue
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: the iPod was just a front
