California

Loud partner to secretary, giving his lunch order: I don't want it spicy, but I don't want it un-spicy.
Secretary, pretending she knows exactly what he means: Oh, sure, okay.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: first year associate

Worker #1: I ordered the print from that guy. I’m his first international sale: he’s in Canada.
Worker #2: Canada cracks me up.

1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: stephanie

X-ray machine attendant, picking stuffed panda up off belt: This one’s dead… He didn’t make it through the machine.

Airport
Los Angeles, California

Office chick #1: Hey, I like your shoes. Are they new?
Office chick #2: Thanks. I’ve had them for a while. I just haven’t been wearing them.
Office chick #1: They’re kind of low cut.
Office dude: Yeah, I can see a lot of arch. If this was the middle east, I’d totally be raping you right now.

Rancho Cordova, California

Overheard by: Good thing we’re in Cali.

Gay coworker #1: The new guy is cute!
Gay coworker #2: I know, huh? Cuter than John or Ryan.
Gay coworker #1: Well, I think John is still number one on my list.
Gay coworker #2: This is why I love coming to work everyday.
Gay coworker #1: Yeaahh…me too! It's like gay Mecca here!

San Francisco, California

Girl coworker: I'll e-mail the help desk…I'll just say “please help us, help desk.” Ahahah! I 'm so funny.
Guy coworker: Okay, good idea. You're typing all in caps.
Girl coworker: I know! That's because everything is in capitals on my computer.
Guy coworker: Um, you have the cap locks on.
Girl coworker: What is that?
Guy coworker: The caps lock key on your keyboard?
Girl coworker: Oh, no! My computer is just all caps.
Guy coworker: No, just do this. (does it) See? Now you're not in caps anymore.
Girl coworker: Oh my gosh! You are so smart! Oh! Thank you so much! Oooohhh! Let me retype my e-mail to the help desk! “Please help us, help desk.” That's so funny! “Please help us, help desk.”

Northern California

Admin: You're telling me of your ignorance right now!
Secretary: I'm sure you're probably right about that.

Santa Rosa, California

Manager on phone: She’ll only be filing and sorting so as long as she doesn’t come in drunk and screw up the files, I don’t really care about the DUI.

2250 Alcazar Street
Los Angeles, California

Professor: Given the above table, who thinks penguin milk has less fat than seal milk?

Half the class raises their hands.

Professor: How many think penguin milk has more fat than seal milk?

Other half raises their hands.

Professor to TA: This is a bad sign.

UC Davis
Davis, California

Overheard by: someone easily tricked at 8am sans coffee

Supervisor: Let me tell you. boy, we’re going to play Marine Corps baseball here. You play ball with me or I’ll shove the bat up your ass!

550 South Hope Street
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Oldcorps 50