Boss: Where the hell were you? I need to call someone.
Assistant: I was in the bathroom.
Boss: But I needed you.
Assistant: You told me to be more efficient, so when nature called, I answered on the first ring.
151 El Camino Drive
Beverly Hills, California
Female boss to two employees: Okay, we really need to get you both on health insurance because (pointing at slutty employee) you're gonna get knocked up and (pointing at other) you're gonna squash your melon somehow.
Aspen, Colorado
Overheard by: wah wah wahhhh
Manager: Well, you must have felt the body when you ran over it.
Employee with foreign accent: I did not feel it.
Manager: You didn’t feel a thump?
Employee with foreign accent: I thought I was dragging a trash bag.
Harborside Drive
East Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Addababy Itsaboy
Boss: Wow, this [stapler] is heavy.
Co-worker: It’s from a movie.
Boss: What movie?
Co-worker: Office Space.
Boss: Is that a comedy?
1 Railroad Avenue
Cooperstown, New York
Office dictator: Folks, I just met with the budget people, and we really need to adhere to our T&A until the end of the year.
Peon: Um, do you mean T&E?
Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
Secretary: What does it do when it archeeves my email?
Boss: Are you serious?
Secretary: I mean, where does it go after it’s done archeeving?
Boss: Oh god.
5353 McCurry Road
Roscoe, Illinois
Boss: So that fax machine is jamming again? I thought the repairman was just in here fixing it? What did he say?
Employee: No, it was that one that he fixed. You switched the faxes, right? So the good one is up here and the bad one is in the back?
Boss: No. I told you this morning that I wasn’t going to do that because your mom was coming in to fax tomorrow so we might as well just get the bad one fixed.
Employee: Who were you talking to? The repair guy? Are you sure you were talking to me?
Boss: No, I was talking to the post.
18 Sycamore Avenue
Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey
Overheard by: GrIzZlEbEe!!!
Boss: Yeah, I have to have another colonoscopy in a couple months.
Employee: That sounds unpleasant.
Boss: Mmm-hm — colonoscopy, the ultimate home movie.
Tysons Corner, Virginia
VP: So are you ready to service me yet?
Peon: Yes, I am ready to pleasure you now.
VP: Sounds good; is [Alex] ready too?
[Alex]: Yes, m’lady, I too am ready to provide you my services.
VP: Let’s go get started in the blue room, then.
8441 Wayzata Boulevard
Golden Valley, Minnesota
Overheard by: Sam Racadabra
Employee: Nice skirt, boss!
Boss: I'm wearing pants.
Anchorage, Alaska
