IT guy: Your laptop is not booting up because you have a stuck function key. What happened, anyway?
Rep (refusing to make eye contact): Yeah, I … uhhh, think I dropped something on it.
It guy: Like what?!
Rep: Ummm yeah, well, like my fist.
Fern Valley Road
Louisville, Kentucky
Tech guy: You know, I was thinking the other day — you know how when these terrorists die, they think they’re getting, like, 40 virgins? Well, it occurred to me that the only virgins up there will be all these 80-something-year-old nuns…
Corporate Drive
Orangeburg, New York
Overheard by: amused temp
Programmer: I'm amazed that even now, you feel the need to keep on sucking.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Jr. Developer: What we need is an alien invasion.
Deveveloper #11: We have one. Mexicans.
Jr. Developer: [sigh] What we need is an extraterrestrial alien invasion.
Developer #2: Boy, you sure have it out for the aliens.
Developer #1: I can’t help it. I’m a xenophobe.
Jr. Developer: The whole world is xenophobic. We need the extraterrestrial invasion in order to unite the globe and to make us stop fighting amongst ourselves.
Developer #1: Until after they left.
Jr. Developer: No, because they came from space, there could always be more of them. As paranoid humans, we have to hunt them down and exterminate them all in order to protect ourselves.
Pause
Jr. Developer: Besides, they might have oil.
501 Corporate Centre Drive
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Brian
IT guy: This is brand new. It's pre-owned.
Coworker: So is it brand new? Or pre-owned?
IT guy: It's brand new pre-owned.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: God help us.
Angry old engineer: Goddammit! This company couldn’t engineer its way out of a paper bag with a fucking uzi and a blowtorch! What the fuck is it that we do around here?!
5634 University Avenue
Denver, Colorado
Dev #1: Why would we ever deny the faculty access to Moodle?
Dev #2: We might have always cut the ends off a ham because our mom taught us to.
Dev #1: …
1600 Clarkson Road
Chesterfield, Missouri
IT girl on phone: … So when she sent that e-mail saying ‘ASAP,’ I waited ’til five PM, just to be hateful.
4801 Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
After four years of documenting the insights of the Unknown Man in the Street,
we’re branching out and documenting the insights of the Celebrity, too. Let
us know what you think of our new site, Celebrity Wit, by e-mailing us at
hatemail@overheardinnewyork.com or lovemail@overheardinnewyork.com
Team Overheard
IT manager: Sometimes when I’m down and nothing makes any sense, I just pretend I work for Emeril Lagasse.
West Village
New York, New York
