Sales

2PM Back from Site Visit

Sales guy: How’d the trip go?
IT guy: Went pretty well. Almost had to send your branch manager home though.
Sales guy: Ha, why?
IT guy: After we loaded up all the inventory in an Excel spreadsheet, he kept sorting it wrong. He’d sort just one column. It would scramble the whole thing up and we’d have to delete it and start all over. He did that three times before I banned him from Excel.
Sales guy: You banned him?
IT guy: I banned him.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

And I Wouldn’t Mind Getting You Between the Worksheets

Assistant: Hey, could you help me with a price on a part?
Sales guy: Yeah, just give me a minute to finish what I’m doing… Hey, I’ll help you with your pricing thing if you come over here and help me with my spreadsheet.
Assistant: Deal. [Walks to next cubicle] My, you have a lot of toolbars…
Sales guy: I’m special.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

The Episode Of Roseanne No One Wanted to See

CSR: Don't you and your husband ever take a shower together?
Supervisor: Are you kidding? After all these years? We don't even fit! Well, we fit, but our feet wouldn't get wet!

Indianapolis, Indiana

Unique (adj.): Unlike Anyone or Anything Else

Sales guy: We’re going to go around the room and name unique things about [the company]. If you can’t think of one when it’s your turn, you have to sit down. The last person standing wins a gift card to Starbucks.
Drone #1: Trustworthy.
Drone #2: Resilient.
Drone #3: Global services.
Drone #4: Inspiring.
Drone #5: Focused.
Drone #6: Capabilities.
Drone #7: Multicultural.
Drone #8: People care.
Drone #9: Adaptability.
Drone #1: Secure.
Drone #2: Employer of choice.
Drone #3: Financial viability.
Drone #4: Responsive.
Drone #5: Integrity.
Drone #6: Straightforward.
Drone #7: Ambitious.
Drone #8: Expertise.
Drone #9: Innovative.
Drone #1: Reliable.
etc…

350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Sleepless in the Hardware Department: Act One

Sales girl: I’m a screw hunter, baby!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

She Got Everything in the Divorce

Sales guy: You know how those lesbian Jews can be! The only thing worse than a lesbian Jew is a lesbian Jew attorney! And I know that, so I can say it.

Glenlake Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: almost offended… almost

10AM Typo

Sales guy: Crap! I shoulda used spell check. But nooo, I had to go and be smart.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

I'm Just Skinny! Wheee!

Sales rep to another: Turns out I'm not on heroin.

Waltham, Massachusetts

Ironically, This Is a Drug Transaction

Client: Sorry I didn't call you yesterday, I had to chase my 25-pound dog for 40 blocks.
Sales rep: Oh yeah? What kind of dog?
Client: Apparently a Mexican one, if he can't understand when I tell him to stop.
Sales rep: That just means he pretends not to speak English so he doesn't have to listen to you.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: Clarissa StTacocrotch

Why the Company Stopped Hiring 15-Year-Old Boys

Salesperson #1, after eating slice of pie: It was so nice of the other department to offer us some pie! I am going to make them some origami in return.
Salesperson #2, after sneezing loudly and all over the place: I'm gonna give 'em that.
Salesperson #3: Seriously. Ew.

Florida

Overheard by: Looking for the hand sanitizer…

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