Co-worker #1: What’s a carpet muncher? Is that a new slang for vacuum cleaner?
Co-worker #2: Um, no. He, he, he. I’ll give you a thousand bucks if you ask the boss for a carpet muncher.
Co-worker #1: Why? I don’t have carpeting.
800 East 28th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: jearu
Co-worker: I think my computer just froze up. The mouse pointer won’t move on the screen.
Supervisor: Did you check the batteries?
1350 Massachusetts Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Assistant: Well, do you still have that copy of the Specific Plan?
Project Manager: I don’t know where it is.
Assistant: Wasn’t it on your desk yesterday?
Project Manager: Yeah, but I think it’s spread its legs.
Assistant: What?
Project Manager: You know, spread its legs. You know what I mean.
Assistant: Sprouted legs?
1580 Metro Drive
Costa Mesa, California
Co-worker: Where the fuck are the urinals?
Stall: Wrong bathroom, buddy.
1055 North Cruise Boulevard
Port of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: WordPower
Editor #1: Should we tell the author we lost that whole section of the manuscript?
Editor #2: No, let’s not announce that we’re incompetent.
Editor #1: Yeah, let’s let it be a surprise.
8700 Shoal Creek Boulevard
Austin, Texas
Co-worker #1: Oh, you have some good supplies. Anything I can steal?
Co-worker #2: Uh, you can have some markers.
Co-worker #1: No, that’s okay; I’ve got markers up the ass.
633 North St. Clair Street
Chicago, Illinois
Sales Manager: How am I supposed to give you the Heimlich if you have your door shut?
2176 Avenue C
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Temp: I have a few questions about the PowerPoint project that I’m trying to get my head around.
Manager: Okay.
Temp: So what do you want again?
Manager: I just want a template…Something visual that we can use over and over.
Temp: What do you want in it?
Manager: I don’t know. That’s why I want a template. So I need you to create something that looks like the department standard, with our logo and so on, the right corporate background color, with dummy copy as placeholders.
Temp: So where do I find the words you want in it?
Manager: They don’t exist yet. We’re working on that. That’s why it’s a template and not a final project.
Temp: So what do you want in all the boxes?
Manager: Nothing. Just a place so I can go in and write it. I just want a formatted background and text boxes in place.
Temp: Right, but what should I put in the text boxes?
Manager: Whatever you want.
Temp: So let me get this right: You want me to create a PowerPoint with place for different words.
Manager: Yes.
Temp: But you don’t know what the words are?
Manager: That’s why it’s a template.
Temp: I see. So I will just use one of the PowerPoint templates.
Manager: No. It needs to be in the style of the company. Those are too generic.
Temp: I’m confused.
Manager: It seems so.
Temp: Can I just do it in Word?
111 East 59th Street
New York, NY
Manager: Why are you sending me comps at 1:30 in the morning?
Designer: Because I wanted to work on them at home, and then when I was home I couldn’t work on them until Loveline was on the air and I could listen to some relationship advice at the same time.
Manager: Oh, that makes perfect sense.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
Exec: Who made a mess over here by the shredder?
Assistant: I was throwing confetti at myself.
640 5th Avenue
New York, NY
