Retirement aged worker #1: Hi, little buddy.
Retirement aged worker #2: I'm not your little buddy!
Retirement aged worker #1: I know you're not! You're an old goat!
Retirement aged worker #2, thrusting pelvis towards #1: If I'm a goat, then suck it and get some milk!
Naval Base
Point Mugu, California
Overheard by: bubbles
Staffer #1: Hey, Gary*, do you have a spoon?
Staffer #2: What kind of spoon?
Staffer #1: Um, one to eat liquids with… What other kinds of spoons are there?
Staffer #2: Well, jeez — there’s fishing spoons, crack spoons, and cuddling positions.
Staffer #1: You’re the only person I know who would ever think of those kinds of spoons over a soup spoon.
Waterfront
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Fork and Knife
Experienced woman: So, Chuck* came over last night and made me sit on his face.
Inexperienced woman: Why? Does that, like, help breathing or something?
21 Oak Street
Hartford, Connecticut
Manager: Just put it in your mouth and suck on it.
Associate: But I don’t want to get sick… What will happen? [Long, awkward pause] It’s burning my tongue.
East Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Champagnegurl
Male office worker: Come on! Smell my neck, my cologne is amazing!
Female office worker: I can't. My nose is stuffed and I can't smell anything.
Male office worker: That's no problem. I'll still be able to penetrate!
Topeka, Kansas
Coworker: Derek’s* married? To a WOMAN?!
165 West 46th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Beth
Boss to underling: Let me pull my package back out so it is in front of me.
Black Diamond, Washington
Young office dude: Did you see that I called you, like 40 times?
Young office chick: Yeah, I saw that I had stalker calls and it made me feel really special.
San Rafael, California
Boss: Did you talk to that girl Rachel*?
Male employee on phone: Yes, I have her resume in front of me now.
Boss: She’s very pretty… she has big boobs.
Male employee on phone: Really.
Boss: Something to think about.
6671 Eastland Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: melessa
HR: So maybe I can do all three of you in the morning.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
