North Carolina

The Most Exciting Thing That's Ever Happened in Charlotte, NC

Girl #1, walking into the office: Boys! Sheesh!
Girl #2: What's going on?
Girl #1: The guys are all out there looking at the hole.
Girl #2: What hole?
Girl #1: The guy came to dig up the bushes by the driveway.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? I didn't even notice they were gone when I pulled in…
Girl #1: They just did it.
Girl #2: In the half-hour I've been here?
Girl #1: They had a big machine that just yanked them up.
Girl #2, moving to front door and looking for hole: Oh, yeah? Hmm…

Charlotte, North Carolina

Sigh. Boys.

Director: How you doing?
Sales rep #1: I'm good… but I've had a migraine all week.
Director: That sucks, doing anything this weekend?
Sales rep #1: Nah, I haven't done anything all week. I saw District 9 last night, though.
Director: Did you like it? I've heard mixed reviews.
Sales rep #1: I liked the social commentary. Plus, shit blows up. It can be the worst movie ever, but if shit blows up, I'm gonna watch it.
Director: Oh, hell yeah! You gotta watch it if shit blows up. That's like Terminator. You watch it cause shit blows up.
Sales rep #1: Yeah, or every Rambo movie.
Sales rep #2: How can you watch Rambo movies?
Director and sales rep #1: Shit blows up!

Charlotte, North Carolina

Gay Folks Are So Anxious to Get to the Altar

Gay coworker to female coworker in white dress: You look so “sacrificial virgin” today.
Female coworker: Um… Thank you?
Gay coworker, whispering: What kind of fabric is that?
Female coworker, whispering: Cotton.
Gay coworker: It looks fun.

Charlotte, North Carolina

…Oh Wait, No, That's My Foot.

Southern lady #1: Oh my goodness, I lost my ring!
Southern lady #2: Oh no! Let me help you look for it.
Southern lady #1: Well, I think I put it on today. Aw man, that's gonna bug me all day. Oh dear. Oh, wait… It's on my other hand! I found it!

Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Always Works to Ease the Tension When My Wife and I Fight

Boss to client: While we're talking about this, why don't you take your shirt off, please.

Raleigh, North Carolina

Overheard by: fully dressed

Why Don't I Work Here?

Guy #1, during department meeting at adult industry company: The homemade video clips of everyday guys jacking off are actually making a lot of money, provided they're adequately equipped.
Guy #2: I know what I'm doing tonight!
Girl: Praying for a bigger penis?

Charlotte, North Carolina

A Couple Of Fingers, but That's It

Coworker, during department-wide meeting: I didn't get that e-mail.
Clueless admin: Did you check your junk? Always check your junk. I never put anything in my junk.

Wilmington, North Carolina

Overheard by: L

And Now You Won't Let Me Stick Anything In You at All

Temp, yelling to fax machine: If you would have sucked it right, there wouldn't be a problem!

Fayetteville, North Carolina

Can't Be Gouda for Your Career

Cubicle drone: Oh my gosh, I have cheese everywhere!

Raleigh, North Carolina

It's So Sweet That You Believed Them

Young stylist: Well, most men don't understand there are different types of orgasms. Some can't get them from anything but oral.
Boss: Yeah, I have been that first guy for many girls.

Charlotte, North Carolina

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