Coworker on phone: Well, we just have to have choices because he is a vegetarian. (pause) Yeah, milk is okay, it's dairy, just no turkey or ham. (pause) Sure, eggs are fine, that's dairy. (pause) Well, I mean, it's fine, it hasn't been born yet!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Woman (after manager jokingly pats her on the back): Hey, don’t be coming in here hitting me!
Manager: No, no, I wouldn’t do that. I haven’t hit a woman in a long time. You know when the last time I hit a woman was? It was my ex-wife, and it was goooooood. I spent two days in jail, but it was worth it. It was soooo worth it. They had to wire her jaw shut. Six weeks. Six weeks of silence.
Woman: That’s nice, but could you leave now, please?”
Wilmington, North Carolina
Coworker: You are very bright today.
QC guy in yellow shirt: Oh, why thank you.
Coworker, walking away: And I don’t mean that in the mental sense.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
IT Consultant Guy: You gotta stop answering the phones all sexy. No one else can concentrate.
2620 Hillsborough Street
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Office Kitty
Professor: Yeah, my daughter’s having a slumber party tonight. She invited eight girls, but one of them can’t come because she’s a Jew.
Grad student: Oh…
Professor: I mean, because there’s a Jewish holiday this weekend she has to observe.
Grad student: Oh, okay. Not because you don’t allow them in your home…
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Dude #1: I have a massive penis.
Dude #2: Dude, you don’t even have pubes!
Dude #1: Want me to pull one out?
Dude #3: Do you have no shame?! Do you think God stops watching you at the lunch table?! And, Coco, you know you have an average-size penis.
Gaston Christian School, 1222 North Hope Road
Gastonia, North Carolina
Sales guy: My daughter had a book when she was little called Which Witch is Which.
Sales chick: … Huh?
Sales guy: She had a book called Which Witch is Which.
Sales chick: I thought that was one of your porn movies…
Sales guy: Well, it might be that, too. Porn and children’s books… I get them confused.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Bored secretary: Don't my nails look great? That stand in the mall polished them with dead sea scrolls!
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Hot lady peon, after spilling candy: I hope he doesn’t come by while I’m on the floor eating his jelly beans.
3900 Paramount Parkway
Morrisville, North Carolina
Overheard by: kevin
Boss: Yeah, I was at a funeral yesterday. My friend had a three-week-old pass away.
Coworker: Man, that's awful. What happened?
Boss: Well, it's kinda funny…
Raleigh, North Carolina
