New York

Somehow Stupidity is Never an “Emergency”

Intercom: This is an announcement from the building fire safety department; it is just a test. If you could not hear this message, please contact the fire warden. Thanks for your attention.

1221 6th Avenue
New York, NY

Office manager: Yeah, technically I’m supposed to be the one in charge of organizing everyone to evacuate if there is a fire. But…if this were the real thing, it’s every man for himself.
Co-worker: That’s horrible.
Office manager: The people I feel worst for are the handicapped. They have to find someone to help them out of the building…and I just don’t know who would do that.

3535 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

9AM It’s Beginning

Secretary #1: What’s the problem?
Secretary #2: Oh…the gathering darkness.

105 Avenue O
Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Danielle Balsamo

A Drunk Dog Would Have Served the Same Purpose

Boss: You know, I’m really glad we hired you. You’re a good sounding board for all this stuff I take in front of clients, because you don’t know anything. So you probably know as much as they do. So whatever confuses you will probably confuse them.
Associate: Uh…
Boss: Exactly.

430 W. 14th Street
New York, NY

At Least He’s in the Right Office

Mother: Why did you check “female” on that?
Son: Aw, shit!

Department of Health and Mental Hygiene
125 Worth Street
New York, NY

Overheard by: Jean-Luc Picard

Surely He Means The Da Vinci

Marketing exec: If we didn’t have to spend so much time telling you our requirements, you could be done with the code already!

228 East 86th Street
New York, NY

You know Sith? From Accounting?

Intercom: Luke! Luke, I am your father.
Woman #1: What is that?
Woman #2: Um, I think it’s the PA system.
Intercom: Luke, I am your father!
Woman #1: Yup, this place just keeps getting weirder every day.

735 Brewerton Road
West Point, New York

Looks Like Lunch is Over

Woman: Well, it’s time for me to go back to jail now.

3000 Washington Hall
West Point, New York

Overheard on the Radio

The creators of this site were just on The Brian Lehrer Show (listen here).

As the producer explained to the host who we were and what we’re about, she handed him some printouts of site quotes and ended with: …and don’t say fucktard, obviously.

1 Centre Street
New York, NY

It’s Getting Cold in Here / So Take Off All Your Clothes

Woman #1: It has been freezing in here today!
Woman #2: You know why they keep the AC turned up so high, don’t you?
Woman #1: To keep us alert?
Woman #2: No…for the headlights.
Woman #1: Headlights?

1 World Financial Center
New York, NY

10AM File Deposition

Co-worker: Well, if I am being stalked by phone, at least it’s by a funny stalker.

175 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Co-worker on phone: Huh? I’m stalking you? How do you know?

420 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY

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Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist