If It’s an Incomplete Bitch You Want, I’d Consider Spaying

Receptionist: Can I help you this morning?
Mom: Yes. I need a shot to keep my daughter from being a complete bitch.
Teen girl: Like they’ve invented that, Mom.

Chestnut Ridge Pediatrics
Woodcliffe Lake, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mothers Anonymous

Posted on May 11, 2015
Insults, New Jersey, Students

No, For When Jay Leno Gets Bored of Spanking It in Front of the Mirror

Co-worker #1: Oh, no way!
Co-worker #2: What?
Co-worker #1: Taylor Hicks is People magazine’s #1 hottest bachelor.
Co-worker #2: Taylor Hicks, the American Idol guy?
Co-worker #1: Yeah.
Co-worker #2: Is that for the Braille edition?

955 Peachtree Parkway
Cumming, Georgia

Posted on May 5, 2015
Coworkers, Georgia, Gossip, Insults

Might As Well Shave Your Head While You’re at It

Female coworker, as another is delivered flowers: Every time I see the flower delivery guy I hope it’s for me. I wish someone would send me something nice like that. Oh, well. I’ll just take a piece of chocolate from the candy dish.
Male coworker: That’s right, decrease your chances even further.

Route 110
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Drone

Posted on May 4, 2015
Coworkers, Insults, New York

Separating the Boys from the Mens’ Room

Guy #1: Why did you only wash one hand?
Guy #2: I only peed on one hand.
Guy #1: You’re an idiot.

737 S. 3rd Street
Louisville, Kentucky

Posted on April 30, 2015
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Insults, Kentucky, Questions, Restroom

But It’s That Kind of Go-Get-’em Attitude That Makes It So Hard For Me to Retire

Co-Worker #1: So, your last day is coming up, right?
Co-Worker #2: Yeah, thank God for that.
Co-Worker #1: I wonder who they will replace you with. Maybe the homeless guy on the street. I bet he could do as good as you.
Co-Worker #2: I’m not sure I like your style.

Santa Monica, California

Posted on April 29, 2015
California, Coworkers, Insults, Questions

…Have a Lovely Day, Motherfuckers.

Manager of convenience store at Shell service station, to clerk, in front of customers: Jesus, I can't wait until this goddamned customer appreciation week is over.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: tallulah_iroquois

Posted on April 27, 2015
Bosses, Customers, Employees, General Idiocy, Gripes, Insults, Missouri, Office Politics

4PM Fortunately It’s Over

VP: We’re having quite an exciting day. Have you used the f-word
yet?
Staffer: Probably yes, quietly to myself.

15 Walnut Street
Wellesley Hills, Massachusetts

Posted on April 26, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Executives, Insults, Massachusetts, Questions, Words

9AM They’re At It Already

Manager #1: [Eric]? I hate [Eric].
Manager #2: You hate [Eric]? But he’s such a nice guy.
Manager #1: Yeah, but he always takes too long to tell you a fucking lie.

50 W. San Fernando Street
San Jose, California