Waitress: Can I help you, ma’am?
Middle-aged woman: You shouldn’t call women ‘ma’am.’
Waitress: Oh… Why not?
Middle-aged woman: Because ‘ma’am’ is short for ‘madame,’ which is a name for a woman who owns a brothel. Do you know what a brothel is?
Waitress: Ah, yes.
Middle-aged: Good. Besides, for young women you should call them ‘miss.’
Waitress: Okay, can I help you, miss?
Middle-aged woman: Don’t call me ‘miss.’
Candlewood Chinese
Western Australia
Shipping customer: When does UPS come to pick up?
Owner: He's due around five, and he has not been here yet. Your package will go out today.
Shipping customer: He's due at five? Will it go out today? Did he come yet?
Riverside Parkway
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Overheard by: Jami
Woman on phone: I got a letter from the insurance agency. What should I do?
Lawyer: What does the letter say?
Woman: Aren't you a lawyer?
Lawyer: Yes, but I need to see what the letter says.
Woman: You're e a lawyer. You should know these things.
Lawyer: Without reading it, I don't know.
Boston, Massachusetts
CSR: Do you know your son’s name? Your secret question is “What is your son’s name?” Do you know your son’s name?
Person resetting password: No, ma’am, I don’t know what that is either.
Mishawka, Indiana
Customer: If you come across a strange dog, you have to look like you’re dancing. Otherwise it’ll attack you.
Tyler, Texas
Client: We’d like the design to stand out. But in a really subtle way.
437 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Frat boy: Gimme something like a whiskey sour but dont put Jack Daniels or anything like that in it. I dont like whiskey!
Bartender: Well what you want in it instead of whiskey?
Frat boy: Use Jim Beam, I fucking love Jim Beam!
Evolution Nightclub
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Melvin
Laywer: So you were locked in a room that had a gas leak?
Client: Yeah. Man, we was trying to get out quick as we could. I mean, if we didn’t make it out when we did, we could’ve been sophisticated!
Lawyer: Asphyxiated?
Client: Whatever.
Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
Lady: Uhh, hi, do you sell cigarettes?
Cashier: No, this is a plant nursery.
Lady: Yeah, I know. So you don’t have them?
Cashier: No, ma’am, this is a plant nursery. We sell plants here.
Lady: But cigarettes come from tobacco, and that’s a plant. I figured if anyone would sell them it would be you.
6831 Central Avenue
St. Petersburg, Florida
Cashier: And what form of payment will you be using today?
Customer: Money.
Robb Drive
Reno, Nevada
