Worker: When he used to work here, I literally left work one day and spent ten minutes trying to figure out where I could park my car so I could shoot him when he left and not get caught.
Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: frightened newbie
Coworker: The back door isn't working.
Receptionist: Oh, yeah, the card thing isn't working. It'll be fixed soon.
Coworker: How do we get into the lab from the outside, then?
Receptionist: You'll have to use the door on the other side and go around. Sorry for the incontinence.
Lancaster, California
Office girl on cell: Come on, Mom, you know how I feel about socks!
621 East 9th Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Intercom: This is an announcement: check your phones to see if they have a dial tone. If they don’t, call Administration and let them know.
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: jb
Male coworker: My lips are still recovering from Vegas.
San Diego, California
Male coworker on phone with female worker: Did you get your areolas clean yet? No! Sorry! I meant did you get your area clean? I was going to offer you some Lysol!
West Sam Houston Parkway
Houston, Texas
Coworker: Well, people are essentially like Slinkies…
Lexington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: loves her job
Co-worker: This is the hard part. Yep, it still looks like tomato soup.
5801 South Wintersburg Road
Tonopah, Arizona
Male developer #1: Alright, sugar tits.
Male developer #2: If you ever call me ‘sugar tits’ again, I’m going to rip your nipples off.
Male developer #1: Okay, dumpling butt.
State and Water Streets
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…
Loud, angry voice from breakroom: Who forked the peanut butter?
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
