Coworker #1: Veal is unborn calf.
Coworker #2: Unborn? I thought it was just babies.
Coworker #1, somberly: No. Cut 'em right out of the womb.
Coworker #2: I'm never eating veal again.
Coworker #1: That's why it's so tender.
Gainesville, Florida
Coworker #1: Veal is unborn calf.
Coworker #2: Unborn? I thought it was just babies.
Coworker #1, somberly: No. Cut 'em right out of the womb.
Coworker #2: I'm never eating veal again.
Coworker #1: That's why it's so tender.
Gainesville, Florida
Creative director: This is the equivalent of a Wal-Mart cashier wearing rubber gloves. They don't like me, and I don't like them.
Augusta, Maine
Accounts manager, muttering quietly to herself about cubicle decorations: We can Amsterdam it up. Like our own flashy little brothel.
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: glasses girl
IT guy #1: Hey, Ted*, I'm gonna start fixing some of these problems in your box.
IT guy #2: You know, I've been doing pretty well getting through them. With that new tool.
IT guy #3: Yeah, that new tool is great! It lets me plow through those new hires quicker than before! I don't know how it works, but they go. Crazy for it!
Sparks, Maryland
Overheard by: Hello, Operator…
Male coworker: It's small but mighty.
Female coworker #1: Hey, it's not the size that matters!
Male coworker: You're right, it's the bandwidth!
(laughter)
Female coworker #2: We are still talking about the analytics department, right?
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Mandy
Loan officer #1: Wouldn't a 55-and-over development have lower market value because your applicant pool is so small?
Loan officer #2: No way, there's a ton of old people.
Eastern Shore, Maryland
Middle aged CSR #1: Am I flashing or is it hot in here?
Middle aged CSR #2: It's not just you. I'm totally flashing, like a retard!
20-something CSR, laughing: You're flashing like a what?
Middle aged CSR #2: A retard. You know… Like those people who have nothing on underneath their trench coats, and they flash people. You know, those crazy people.
Aliso Viejo, California
Office know-it-all: When an elephant's trunk is up, it's a good omen. When the trunk is down, it's a bad omen.
Cubicle mate: Isn't an elephant's trunk always down unless it's, like, screaming at you?
Chicago, Illinois
Trainer: Doing a job correctly is usually better than doing it wrong.
Trainee: Are you fucking serious, bro?
Gunter Air Force Base
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: At least someone realizes it too
Receptionist on phone: Cupcakes are just muffins that accessorize.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
