Canadia

Leader: Oh, she's turned on!
Office drone: I thought we turned her off.
Leader: We did turn her off. I turned her on yesterday, but then I turned her off.
Office drone: Then why is she turned on?
Leader: I don't know why she's turned on!

Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia

Overheard by: kinda turned on

Colleague on phone: He sits in his office reading the paper, and then he wanders out, shits on everybody, eats their French fries, and leaves.

London
Canadia

Tech guy #1: You don't see a problem using a URL shortener to shorten a URL that is shorter than the shortened URL?
Tech guy #2: No!

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: really short URL

Tenant to office building manager: Do you have anything that is big, hard, and metal?

Ottawa
Canadia

Customer on cell: Yes, darling. I do have to bring her home, she's our daughter.

Ontario
Canadia

Secretary: So, who wrote the Tom Clancy books again?
Boss: (looks at her)
Secretary: I feel really dumb right now.

Barrie
Canadia

Overheard by: Next room over

Coworker #1: There was a barn fire just outside of town. The whole barn was destroyed. The farmer was missing at first, but they found his remains in the barn. They are sending the remains to Toronto to figure out the cause of death.
Coworker #2: Burnt.
Coworker #1: Excuse me?
Coworker #2: Burnt.
Coworker #1: You are a sick fuck, know that?

Waterloo
Canadia

Overheard by: Meesh

50-year-old milf: I've gotta do a rim job and I don't have a date yet.

London
Canadia

Overheard by: I put my hand up

Elderly coworker, a little too enthusiastically: Hey, why don't you just Outlook me later?
Younger bewildered coworker: Um, okay, I guess…

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: AlsoBewildered

Woman to colleague: So, what did you do last night?
Colleague: I picked up my new banjo, I'm starting banjo lessons this Saturday. I got excited just fondling it!
Woman: I bet.

Ottawa
Canadia

Overheard by: Marti