California

Would It Have Been Worse If He'd Been Wearing Peep-Toe Pumps?

Cubicle worker #1: I was just next to what I commonly refer to as a “master blaster” in the men's john a minute ago…
Cubicle worker #2: Go on…
Cubicle worker #1: I think he barely had a chance to get his pants down before the gates of hell opened and all were consumed with fire and explosions of various forms…
Cubicle worker #1: I was trying not to laugh in the stall next door.
Cubicle worker #2: What the fuck!
Cubicle worker #1: It just goes to show. No matter how nice a person's shoes, they can still be ugly on the inside. His shoes were very nice, after all. A black patent leather cap toe, I believe.
Cubicle worker #2: Everyone shits.
Cubicle worker #1: I didn't get too good a look in my haste to retreat, lest I have to endure uncomfortable eye contact subsequently.

Moreno Valley, California

Overheard by: Joe P

…Up Your Butt!

Female office worker: I'll take care of it. I have great attention to detail, I'm very anal retentive about that sort of thing. Anytime you want anal, I'm your girl.
(15 seconds of silence) I think that came out wrong. You know what I meant, right?
Boss: Well, okay, team, looks like we have that one assigned. Moving on…

Anaheim, California

I'm Perfect for Disarmament Talks

Manager on the phone: I'm carrying the shoulders of five people on my back.

Pomona, California

Overheard by: Rather confused

Says the Girl Named Gina?

Coworker #1: What should I name my font?
Coworker #2: What about Kont?
Coworker #1: Ew!
Coworker #2: What? Oh, “Kont” sounds like” cunt.”
Coworker #1: That just happened. Gross!

California

Overheard by: g$

Does That Come with a Pay Increase?

Disney peon #1, discussing Jonas Brothers project: “You've just been Jo-Bro'd” sounds so obscene.
Disney peon #2: Yeah, and the tag line is, “packed with more Jonas than you've ever seen.”
(ten minutes later)
Disney peon #3, walking up: I feel like my brain is running out my ears.
Disney peons #1 & #2: You've just been Jo-Bro'd!

Burbank, California

Where the Women Have Their Make-up Permanently Lasered on

Middle-aged coworker, about applying makeup to upper eyelids: I can't do it because my eyes are all squinty.
Young Asian coworker, jokingly: Yeah, me either.
Middle-aged coworker, serious: But that's because of where you're from.
Male coworker, walking in: Oxnard?

Thousand Oaks, California

…You Just Described My Uncle Walter

Middle aged CSR #1: Am I flashing or is it hot in here?
Middle aged CSR #2: It's not just you. I'm totally flashing, like a retard!
20-something CSR, laughing: You're flashing like a what?
Middle aged CSR #2: A retard. You know… Like those people who have nothing on underneath their trench coats, and they flash people. You know, those crazy people.

Aliso Viejo, California

Career Tip: Never Picnic With Vultures

Office drone, after extremely serious meeting: We should all go on a picnic!

Downtown Los Angeles, California

And the Judges Are So Judgmental

Officer #1: Yeah, man, I'm not going to pull someone over for talking on their cell phone, because I talk on my cell phone while driving.
Officer #2: For sure, I ain't gonna pull someone over for speeding, cause I speed all over this place.
Officer #3: Right, why would I pull someone over for drunk driving, when I'm always drunk.

Ventura, California

Overheard by: Chatty McSailor Mouth

Our Commute Usually Turns Into a Sing Along

Guy from the backseat #1: Look at that guy rolling in the car next to us, his hair all slicked back and shit. That car says he makes some serious cash.
Guy from the backseat #2: I bet he's a manager.
Guy from the backseat #1: I bet he makes enough to score aaaalll the sluts and whores, cause that's what managers do.

Rancho Bernardo, California

Overheard by: I want to be a manager, too

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