California

Trainee: So, can you tell me why your mother can’t walk?
Daughter: Her leg was amputated, and she can’t walk on her prostate.

Home office
Santa Barbara, California

Overheard by: T

Photographer: You wouldn't by chance have a suction cup with a pin on it, would you?

Culver City, California

Overheard by: LaLa Land

Gay 20-something coworker, to female 20-something coworker, eyeing coworker's blackberry: You know, with you having that phone, I'd think you were a professional…until you opened your mouth.

University of California
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: venusflesh

Waitress: My boyfriend is half Italian but he is mostly white.

Cucamonga, California

Overheard by: halfbreed

Female CSR: I'd throw something at you, but all I have on my desk is a stapler and a scone. I'm not gonna throw the stapler 'cause I don't want to injure you and the scone is just out of the question.
Male CSR #1: Yeah, that's why I confiscate stuff.
Male CSR #2: Yeah, he took my balls.

San Diego, California

TV host: I wish they'd separate my penne and my quiche.
TV producer: I know.

West Olympic Blvd
Los Angeles, California

Cube dweller: Yeah, she was having a lot of trouble with the Russians — they just seemed to get too aggressive.

Chula Vista, California

Overheard by: Amy F.

Coworker to another: As long as I keep on getting grilled brie and paté sandwiches and have a gold-plated bidet, I don't mind being broke.

Whole Foods
Oakland, California

Overheard by: AlchemistGeorge

Boss: It’s like birth — there’s nothing we can do but push.

Sunnyvale, California

Overheard by: Tristan O’Tierney

Young admin, talking about boyfriend who just moved: Yeah, but I'm really good with long distance relationships.
Manger: So you say, but haven't you cheated on all your exes so far?
Young admin: Um, yeah…technically.
Manger: So basically you just always find someone to fill the hole when they're gone. Shit! I mean void…I *so* didn't mean it like that!

Santa Maria, California