Black employee #1: I been assin’ for a raise and assin’ for a raise, but I ain’t gettin’ any.
Black employee #2: See, that’s your problem — the way you talk. You don’t say assin’ for a raise, you say, ‘I been axin’ for a raise.’
Men’s room
Torrance, California
T-shirt: Why are you wearing a suit?
Suit: I had court this morning.
T-shirt: Traffic Court? Did you pay a fine?
Suit: Yeah, Traffic Court. The fine was five hundred dollars.
T-shirt: You should have worn a different suit. That one looks like it cost about forty dollars.
Suit: I paid seven hundred dollars for this.
T-shirt: You got ripped off.
Suit: Well whoever’s been giving you that piece of shit baseball brim haircut the last year has been ripping you off.
T-shirt: I wear a toupee.
2211 N. First Street
San Jose, California
Overheard by: daimaoh
Grandmother to toddler trying to climb out of shopping cart: If you fall on your head and break your leg, don’t come running to me.
Santee, California
Overheard by: Snickering Cashier
Worker #1: I make less than everyone. People on unemployment make less than me.
Worker #2: Is that true?
Worker #1: No.
6727 Odessa Avenue
Van Nuys, California
Loud man complaining to librarian: Can you turn the heat up or the air conditioning down? It's too cold in here. It might be fine for someone with type o blood, but I'm freezing!
Public Library
La Jolla, California
Boss: How many servers do you think Google has?
Lackey: Infinite.
Boss: Infinite? You’re a retard.
15 Alatarinda Road
Orinda, California
Overheard by: choking on a brownie
Supervisor: Can you pull out of there now?
Peon: I'm not quite done with it yet.
Sacramento, California
Woman on cell: Remember when she saw those two dead bodies? No, Denny is the tall one.
Merced Mall
Merced, California
Overheard by: I work there
Hot intern: My mouth is cramping up!
Los Angeles, California
Office drone #1: Did you see how Anderson completely took over the meeting? It was like a crudités.
Office drone #2: Wait… it was like celery sticks??
Office drone #3: I think he means a “coup d'état”
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Drunk Drama Queen
