Supervisor: Do it my way, or else I'll have your head on a pike! And I don't mean a spear, I mean the fish!
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: peon
Supervisor: Do it my way, or else I'll have your head on a pike! And I don't mean a spear, I mean the fish!
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: peon
Boss: She's not here again today. I think she has her period… I'm sure it's either that or something is wrong with her cats.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: always here and on time
Receptionist: Chickens don't have sex, they just come out of eggs.
London
England
Boss during meeting: As long as they can get sixty people there, we'll make it happen. If they want to see a monkey fucking a football, we'll make it happen.
Manhattan, New York
Office drone: Well, in the past I'd seen him hand out stuffed animals and candy to kids, but this year he didn't do that… from what I saw.
Prosser, Washington
Overheard by: was santa in a windowless van
Coworker #1: Veal is unborn calf.
Coworker #2: Unborn? I thought it was just babies.
Coworker #1, somberly: No. Cut 'em right out of the womb.
Coworker #2: I'm never eating veal again.
Coworker #1: That's why it's so tender.
Gainesville, Florida
Manager: So to get to know each other a little better I'm going to ask you all to answer this question: if you were an animal, what would it be? I'd be a cat, I think.
Cashier #1: A chinchilla. They're cute.
Cashier #2: A guinea pig, because they're awesome.
Cashier #3: A bird, so I could shit on anybody who tried to shit on me.
(long awkward pause)
Manager: Okay. That's a good answer too.
Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania
Secretary to intern: How does your cat like tuna? I mean, he's never been to the ocean before.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: I hate my desk
Office know-it-all: When an elephant's trunk is up, it's a good omen. When the trunk is down, it's a bad omen.
Cubicle mate: Isn't an elephant's trunk always down unless it's, like, screaming at you?
Chicago, Illinois
Sales guy #1: I wonder what milk would taste like if the cow ate an orange.
Sales chick: Would a cow even eat an orange?
Sales guy #2: Oh, yeah, they'll eat the hell outta them!
Sales guy #1: I guess it would taste like a creamsicle… Mmm-mmmm.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: I don't want to know how this started..
