Peon #1: Isn't that just going to make the situation worse? Man, that's going to mess everything up over there!
Commander: Well, you can't just stand in the rain and yell!
Peon #2: Ha-ha! rrrghh! I hate the rain!
Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Overheard by: El Monsoon
Enthusiastic teen boy: This is the Borders where Teddy got his handjob!
Washington, DC
Male coworker, after being given a fresh donut: I don't think I could be anymore of your friend than I am right now.
Female coworker: Yeah, it just peaked out.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Doughnut King
Military personnel: Adam* looks like hell this morning — like he was smoking crack all night. Adam, you are a civilian, right?
Adam: Yes.
Military personnel: Ah, then it’s alright. You don’t get drug-tested like us. Smoke all the crack you want.
Washington, DC
Coworker #1: How's the new dog?
Coworker #2: It's a shitload of work. I haven't been out in weeks.
Coworker #1: Really? That sucks!
Coworker #2: I think my dog is turning me asexual.
Washington, DC
Peon: I’ve seen her before at bars, but now she’s just different… She’s more cold now.
Intern: It’s just sobriety. It changes people.
Peon: Good point. Wait, aren’t you, like, 19?
Intern, offended: I’m 20.
F Street
Washington, DC
Office worker: Can you come in tomorrow, say, 6PM?
Intern: Naw, I got my fencing class.
Office worker: What?
Intern: You know, just in case the English attack again.
717 D Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Dannie Boyer
Employee to boss: Would you like for me to list the listings?
Boss to employee: That's a bit redundant, don't you think?
Employee: Who you callin' retarded?!
Pennsylvania Ave
Washington, DC
Sassy Latina operations manager: Where have you been?!?! You’ve been gone for like an hour!
Spunky marketing manager: What? I was getting a bikini wax!
Sassy Latina operations manager: Oh. [pause] I *thought* your pants looked looser.
M Street, Washington DC
Thuggette: I don't know what a penis is for. I don't even know how to put a condom on. All you need to know is to put it in, take it out, wash it off, and go to sleep. It's a mushroom. A long-ass stink mushroom. Shit.
Washington, DC
