Texas

5PM That’s a Wrap

Coworker #1: I am going to come in on Monday and tell [Dave] to shove it.
Coworker #2: Do I even want to know why?
Coworker #1: I’m going to win the lottery this weekend. Fifty-six million dollars!
Coworker #2: If I win the lottery, I will go around running into every person in Houston who has ever cut me off! And those that come out of the parking lot right when the light turns green and then cross all three lanes in front of everyone, I’m just gonna floor it…
Coworker #1: Uh, I was just talking about not having to work for a while.

2875 Antoine
Houston, Texas

What Severe Burnout Looks Like

Grunt #1: If there is a tornado today, are you our emergency person?
Grunt #2: Nope, I really don’t care if you die.

Beach Street
Fort Worth, Texas

Or Is It Another Tailgate Party?

Customer: What's going on? Why are there a bunch of cop cars outside?
Bank teller: I don't know. (looks at other tellers) Are ya'll getting robbed?

Kleberg Street
Kingsville, Texas

Tonight’s Movie: Sideways

Colleague #1: Hey, that girl — does she have those underwear on the wrong way?
Colleague #2: Yeah. Funny, huh?

Terrell, Texas

Overheard by: HR Rep

4PM Final Trip Preparations

Boss: Will my BlackBerry work in Thailand?
IT: Yeah, it will work anywhere in Europe.

One Allen Center
Houston, Texas

Last Time I Couldn’t Walk for a Week!

Coworker: Did you lube that up? You gotta lube that up.

301 Commerce Street
Fort Worth, Texas

…In Which Case You Should Know to Ask Someone Smarter.

Coworker #1: How do you spell “rabbit”?
Coworker #2: Aren't you studying to be a teacher?

Houston, Texas

The Sacrifice of the Mascot

Office grunt #1: Isn’t there some word for that sort of recursive image? Like the pig who’s about to eat a piece of bacon, or the chicken with a bucket of KFC under her arm?
Office grunt #2: Yeah, and what about Kool-Aid Man traipsing around with a jug of Kool-Aid?
Office grunt #1: Oh, yeah!

Burnet Road
Austin, Texas

Are You Doing This Deliberately?

Employee #1: Is George Harrison the guy that directed Star Wars?
Employee #2: No that's George Lucas.
Employee #1: Oh, but he was in Star Wars then.
Employee #2: No, that's Harrison Ford.
Employee #1: Oh. Wasn't Frank Sinatra in The Beatles?

Addison, Texas

What’s the Upside Here?

Chick on cell, going to see her dad at work: Not shaving my legs is my chastity belt — now I can get drunk and not be a slut.

Main Street
Dallas, Texas

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