North Carolina

Ken Lay Rocks the ‘Do As I Say, Not As I Do’ Management Technique

Manager: That’s how I graduated from one of the top five business schools in this country [leaves].
Cubicle chick: Is anyone else proud of him? I’m proud of him.
Manager, returning: I cheated my way through business school, and that’s how I graduated at the top of my class.
Cubicle chick: Mr. Kline*!
Manager, back in own office: I didn’t know what I was doing, so I just cheated all through school. And that’s how I graduated.
Cubicle chick: Sooo… Does that mean I can cheat, too?
Manager: No!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

But Do They Gnaw Pro Bono?

Guy #1: Those lawyers are like rats, they know they suck but do it anyway.
Guy #2: Rats don’t know they suck…

210 Highwoods Blvd.
Raleigh, North Carolina

Finally I’ll Have Something for My Kids to Play On!

[coworkers discussing switching from current ordering system to proposed new system]Bob: So, it would be like trading in your Honda civic hybrid for an old Schwinn?
Jill: Um, no. It would be like trading in my hybrid for a fucking rusted-out Yugo propped up on cinder blocks in my front yard.

Raleigh Street
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Overheard by: snoopdude

At Last, An RDA Is Established for Cookies

Drone #1: I am trying really hard to stay away from these cookies on my desk.
Drone #2: Oh my God, tell me about it. Those cookies are GOOD.
Drone #1: Maybe if I look at how many calories they have, it’ll be easier to stay away. One cookie, 120 calories.
Drone #3: Well, how many calories are you supposed to have?
Drone #1: I don’t know. I think 2000 calories is supposed to be average.
Drone #3: And the cookies are 120? Then you can eat all you want!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

This Just In: Jerry Falwell and Jerry Garcia — Separated at Birth

Cube rat #1 reading email: Is… Jason Smith* kin to Jason Ellis*?
Cube rat #2, in coddling tone: [Sigh] Just because their first names are the same doesn’t mean they are related.
Cube rat #1: Oh, okay.

England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Then Why Do You Keep Pressing the Dell Symbol?

General manager: I don't know how you use this thing, with all the damn buttons everywhere.
Reporter: Well, that's the first thing I learned in typing class…where the keys are.

Waynesville, North Carolina

Overheard by: Just an editor

But He’s Buying All the Missiles We Sell, So Who Cares?

Sales guy: He was from another country. A made-up country, though.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

I Mean, How Hard Can Delivering a Baby Be?

Tech: You can get a manual off their website.
Supervisor: In English?
Tech: No… But it has pictures!

Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: Robert

When His White Friends Call, It Plays Jay-Z’s “Ain’t No Nigga”

Assistant: Whose phone is that? Who has rap music on their ringtone?
Sales guy, across room: Is that mine?
Assistant: Seriously? Is that your phone? [Sales guy runs to his desk.]Office manager: It sounds like porn…

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Mutual Assured Destruction

UPS guy: I think you would be pretty surprised by my stool attack.

4140 Clemmons Road
Clemmons, North Carolina

Overheard by: Fellow UPS Employee

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