New York

Young blonde secretary: My boyfriend’s in jail. He’s got another year to go.
Avuncular man: Why do you need this loser? Is this the best you can do?
Young blonde secretary: I don’t know. I guess I should break up with him, but I don’t know why I don’t.
Avuncular man: How can you not know? If you saw a child smearing chocolate all over the walls and you asked him, ‘Why are you doing that?’ and he said, ‘I don’t know,’ what would you say to him?
Young blonde secretary: I’d say, ‘Stop it!’ … So I guess I should just stop it, huh?
Avuncular man: And if he didn’t stop, you’d slap the shit out of him, wouldn’t you?
Young blonde secretary: Yeah… But I don’t know why I don’t stop.
Avuncular man: Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but if you were my daughter, I’d slap some sense into you.
Young blonde secretary: Yeah, my father has tried that.
Avuncular man: Apparently he didn’t slap you hard enough.
Secretary’s boss, walking into room: Are you talking about your boyfriend again?

Lawyer’s office
Rockville Center, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Judge: I’m not here wielding a mace. You know what a mace is, right?
Attorney #1: That’s the spiked ball at the end of a chain, right?
Attorney #2: In medieval times it was at the end of a stick.
Attorney #1: Well, popes and kings had one at the end of a stick.
Judge: As a symbol of royal or divine authority.
Attorney #2: But it was also a weapon at the end of a chain.
Judge: So, the mace served as both a symbol and a weapon.
Ghetto teen on trial: Cops sprayed dat in my cousin’s face.

District Court
Ronkonkoma, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

White guy: I come from a town of only 400.
Black girl: Whoa! That’s weird. Your town was probably started by a brother and sister or something.
White guy: Actually, there’s not a single brotha or sista in my town.
Black girl: What?
White girl: Oh, God.
Black girl: What do you mean? Is everyone in your town an only child?
White guy: No, there aren’t any brothuhs or sistuhs. You know?
Black girl: I don’t get it.
White girl: That’s probably for the best.

One Park Place
Elmira, New York

Overheard by: Shannon

Law Firm Guy: What’s a tsunami?

100 Maiden Lane
New York, NY

Female employee #1: I wish murder was legal. There is one rotten person I would definitely out for this world.
Female employee #2: Just one?

Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: I feel the same…

Coworker: Wait…John Ratzenberger?

430 Main Avenue
Norwalk, Connecticut

Maintenance guy: They shoulda had a Puerto Rican pope. Barbecue every weekend!

335 East 45th Street
New York, NY

Overheard by: Palaverist

Large woman: You just watch out. I’m going to come over there and squeeze you the way they squeeze me.

30th Street and Park Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Male coworker: You're not a girl.
Female coworker: I'm feminine!
Male: You're feminine, but you're not a girl. You're not into all that girly shit.

Manhattan, New York

Boss: We have to move out of the conference room because the student is deaf and the piano lesson in the room above is so loud.
Underling: Wait… If the student is deaf why does it matter that the piano is loud?
Boss: I can't deal with this right now.

Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: i choose to not hear you

Woman: Just open it. If the alarm goes off, then the fat guy will come up and eat something.

343 W 36th Street
New York, New York